


The First Year

by Marish_06



Series: A Series of Chances [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family Drama, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-04
Updated: 2011-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-29 03:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marish_06/pseuds/Marish_06
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say the first year of marriage is always the hardest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Daddy!” Kayla squealed as she ran through the bullpen, barreling towards her father.

He turned towards his daughter just in time to scoop her up into his lap. “Hey, Junebug!! Where’s your mommy?”

“I dounno,” she answered, staring up at him with big blue eyes.

Elliot heard the clicking of his wife’s boots and turned to watch her stroll in. He grinned. “She get away from you again?”

Olivia rolled her eyes, “No. I told her to go ahead, while I said hi to Belaski.” When he eyed her skeptically she continued. “I saw her run and jump into your lap,” she continued as she eyed her old desk with a small tinge of nostalgia. She had transferred to CPU Crimes after their wedding. She wanted better hours so that she could be home with their daughter, and while she missed working beside her husband, she didn’t regret her decision for a moment. She loved all the time she got to spend with their daughter and wouldn’t trade it in for the world.

“That’s circumstantial. She always does that when she comes here.”

“Well Detective, you don’t have any proof otherwise,” she grinned and leaned over to kiss him.

“Easy with the PDA, this is supposed to be a place of business,” Fin grumbled as he walked into the squad room.

“Pishy Pin!” Kayla exclaimed.

“Home slice!!” Fin called back. He reached out for her and grinned when she slid off her father’s lap and went to him.

Her parents watched on in amusement. Every time their 21 month old pint-sized detective came to the squad room the hard-ass known as First Grade Detective Odafin Tutuola turned into a pile of mush and became known as Pishy Pin.

Olivia turned to her husband and used the small amount of time to speak quietly with him. She took his hand and lead him up to the crib. He was on her as soon as the door closed behind them.

“Are you coming home tonight?” she asked him between kisses.

“That’s the plan,” he said, pulling her closer.

She pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. “I’m serious Elliot. I miss you. We miss you. You haven’t put Kayla to bed in a week.”

He sighed. “I know Liv, but this thing with Dickie- I mean Dick. And work…”

“Elliot, he’s rebelling and acting out. You ne-”

“Liv, please. Not now. Not here.”

She nodded. “Well I’m going to go. It’s almost dinner time, and you know how she gets when she’s hungry.”

She moved passed him and was about to open the door when he gripped her waist and pulled her back to him. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to make it to dinner, ok?”

“Ok,” she whispered. She kissed the corner of his mouth and headed down into the bullpen.

She found Kayla nestled on Cragen’s hip, a red vine between her lips. Olivia reached for her and Kayla went willingly into her mother’s arms.

“I’m going to stop bringing my kid here. You guys always pump her with sugar so that she’ll have enough energy to drive me crazy.”

“Hey, what else is family for? None of us have anyone else to spoil so what do you expect?” Munch asked.

“For you guys to not give my 1yr old candy. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Come by more often. And bring the rugrat with ya.” Cragen called to her retreating form.

~*~

Elliot walked into their dimly lit Manhattan home. All lights had been turned off except for the kitchen light. He sighed. He’d missed bedtime again. He always did it with all the voices and excitement. It was the highlight of their day. And he’d missed it. Again.

He removed his shoes and headed for the kitchen. The pizza box was still out and the pepperoni section of the pizza had been left for him, along with a couple slices of Kayla’s cheese. It was the only kind she would eat, so they had begun sectioning their pizza. 1/3 cheese, 1/3 meatball, and 1/3 pepperoni for him.

He quickly inhaled his slices and went upstairs. He checked in on his youngest before heading to the master bedroom to sleep beside his wife. He was surprised to see that while the room was dark the bed was unoccupied. He noticed the soft glow coming from their bathroom and headed towards it.

He found Olivia soaking in a bubble bath with vanilla candles surrounding her. She took a sip of her white wine and looked up at him. “You’re home early,” she dead panned.

He took the glass from her finger tips and finished her wine. He then began removing his clothes. “I’m sorry. I was on my way home when I got a call from Kathy. Dick got kicked off the baseball team for missing practices.”

He climbed over the side of the tub and sat between her legs, leaning back and resting against her chest. “I really don’t know what to do with him. It’s like he doesn’t even care!” She took her loofa and dipped it into the soapy water and rubbed it over his chest, gently washing him. “All he cares about is hanging out with his friends. I go over there. I yell. He’s technically grounded till September. I’ve taken away his PSP, his TV, and his X-box, and nothing. He still doesn’t come home. He still doesn’t do his homework. He still mouths off at his teachers. I’m really at a loss. I don’t know what to do.” She didn’t say anything. “You’ve been awfully quiet. Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Last time I checked you didn’t want to hear what I had to say.”

“Liv,” he growled out in frustration. “Fine. Olivia, what do you think?”

“He’s looking for attention. You barely see him. You never go to his games.”

“Oh, so now I’m a bad father? I have to work! I have to pay child support. Pay the bills and the mortgage for this house.”

“Elliot, you can change departments. Get into something with more flexible hours, and I’m the one paying the mortgage you’re paying the utilities.”

“Like you did? And does it really matter who’s paying what?” His words reeked of sarcasm.

“You started it. Look Elliot. I wasn’t thrilled about going to computer crimes, but it was a decision I made for our family. Something you may want to think about. I know SVU has been all you’ve known for the past...” She mentally did the math. “15 years. But you need to spend more time with your kids.”

“I said I was sor-”

“Kayla isn’t your only child. You have four more that need your time and attention. Which is why Dick is acting out. Every time he acts out, you come running”

“All I do is yell at him and punish him, Liv. That can’t be the reason.”

“Negative attention is attention, El.”

“Olivia. I think I know my kids a little bit better than you do. And I’ve been at this a lot longer than you have. No kid wants to be yelled at or punished.”

She shoved him forward and stood. She stepped out of the tub and reached for a towel when she felt herself being pulled backwards. They landed with a splash in the tub of water.

He held her in his arms and she struggled against him, “Let go of me,” she growled.

He squeezed her a bit. “I’m sorry, Liv. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just so frustrated with this whole situation.” She still didn’t say anything. “Liv, talk to me,” he requested quietly. He rested his forehead against her back.

“I just…When am I ever going to be good enough for you?” She couldn’t hide the hitch or the emotion in her voice.

“What? Turn around.”

She did as he requested, but avoided his eyes. He didn’t have to see them to know there were tears in them.

“At first I wasn’t a mother. Now I am and to your child and its still not good enough. Because I’m not the mother of your other four children and I haven’t been a mother long enough. I haven’t been a wife long enough. When will it be enough? When will I finally be good enough for you to accept me as your wife?” She looked at him then and all he wanted to do was get lost in her eyes. Although red and rimmed with tears, the hazel in her eyes was highlighted by the soft glow of the candles.

 

“You are good enough. You were more than good enough when we stood in front of our family and friends and I took vows and I slid my grandmother’s ring on your finger. Olivia, I love you, and believe me if you weren’t good enough, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Then why do yo-?”

“Because I’m an ass,” he cut her off. “I’m sorry I should have never said that.”

She nodded. “Let’s just go to bed. It’s late.”

He grinned at her. “I thought you said you missed me?” He nibbled on her neck.

“Elliot.” It began as a protest, but it ended as a moan. 

“It’s been about a week right? Longest we’ve ever gone without…”

Her lips came over his and the conversation was over. She turned and straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled herself as close to him as she could physically get. She spread her legs further and he slid into her. He moved inside her drawing out her moans and grunting his own pleasure in return. She shattered around him and he followed close behind her.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that,” she panted into his neck. He grunted in response. “Let’s wash up and go to bed.”

They stood and showered together. Taking time out to wash the other intimately and thoroughly. Elliot stepped out of the shower first and towel off while Olivia rinsed the rest of conditioner out her hair. She stepped out to find her husband with a towel wrapped around his waist and holding one out for her. She stepped into his arms and he wrapped the towel around her just as she circled her arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly.

They maneuvered their way into their bedroom and just when the towels were about to hit the floor a small cry came over the baby monitor.

“Mommy.”

And just like that, the moment was over. “Duty calls,” she kissed the corner of his mouth and grabbed a robe as she headed down the hall. She peaked into the room to find her daughter rubbing her eyes. She reached for her mother as soon as she saw her. Olivia headed right over to her and lifted her from her crib.

“What’s the matter, Junebug?” Olivia asked of her daughter. Her response was a whine as she buried her face into her mother’s neck.

“Binky,” she wined just as her father appeared in the doorway.

“Hey what’s going on?” he asked now dressed in a pair of his boxers.

“Nothing. I think she’s having a hard time sleeping. Can you grab her binky downstairs? I just sterilized it. It should be in the drying rack.”

Elliot left to complete his task and returned seconds later with the binky in hand. He reached for his baby girl and she went willingly into his arms. Olivia headed back to the bedroom to put on some clothes, but stopped momentarily at the doorway to watch them. They were incredibly close, and at times she’d wonder if they loved each other more than they loved her, but then she’d catch Elliot starring at her when he thought she wasn’t looking. She’d see the twinkle in her daughter’s eye in when she went to pick her up from daycare and she’d know that she was loved beyond all means, and that was good enough for her.

Olivia slipped into a pair of panties and one of her husband’s dress shirts. Elliot came in moments later. Kayla secured in her father’s arms.

“We had a little discussion and decided that it was best if she slept here tonight.”

“Uh huh,” Olivia responded. She already knew that this was code for “I’m too tired to sit in the chair to wait for her to fall asleep.”

They all settled into the large king sized bed. Olivia on the right. Elliot on the left, and Kayla in between them. Kayla and Elliot fell asleep almost immediately and Olivia took this time to gaze at her family. Something she thought she’d never have, and now here they were. Laying right beside her. Her husband, and her daughter. They both loved her immensely and she loved them just as much. Maybe even more so. She fell asleep dwelling on that thought and enjoyed her sweet dreams for one more night.


	2. Chapter 2

Elliot drew a hand down his face in an effort to wipe away the exhaustion and frustration. It had been nearly two months of this. First it was skipping class then skipping school altogether. Next the fighting. Then the cigarettes and now as if that wasn’t bad enough he had decided that it was ok to smoke weed in the boy’s locker room and he was tired of it. He was tired. Tired of being called out of work to deal with more of Dickie’s bullshit, tired of missing bed time with his daughter, tired of missing alone time with his wife and even more tired of missing precious hours of sleep. He simply listened as his ex-wife continued to futilely argue with his 14 year old son on why he was doing what he was doing. If it was something she or he did. What they could do to help him. Elliot was tired of it all. When this first started, he had agreed to do it Kathy’s way and gave his son chance, after chance, after chance, and now he had run out of chances.

“Don’t you care what you’re doing to this family?!” Kathy yelled at the stubborn teenager who sat slumped on the couch, his black on black Yankees fitted hat drawn down over his face.

“What. Family? Dad’s got a new family with his bastard kid. You’re all about Kathleen and Lizzie and your new fuck face boyfriend. Some family.”

“Excuse me?” Elliot said, standing from his position in his old recliner.

“You heard me.” Dickie tilted his head up to stare defiantly up at his father, his blue eyes peeking out boldly from underneath the visor of his cap.

Elliot came around and knocked the hat off of his head.

“Dad, what the fuck!” Dickie tried to grab for the hat before it reached the floor only to have his cheeks caught between the strong callused fingers of his father’s right hand.

“What did you just say?”

Dickie stared into the fiery storm that brewed in his father’s eyes. He swallowed hard and tried not to move. He’d never seen his father so angry- he’d heard stories of what his father was truly capable of - and was not sure how far his father was willing to take this.

“Go upstairs. I’m going to talk to your mother and make a final decision on what to do about you. You come back down when I call you.” Elliot released his son and took a step back to allow him to get up, but not an inch more. Dickie reached for his hat, but before his fingers could make contact his father’s voice was booming in his ears. “Did I say pick up the hat? NO! Get up to your room!”

Dickie made quick haste and ran up the stairs. After they heard the door close to the boy’s room Elliot turned to face Kathy. “What are we going to do?” She asked, sitting beside him.

“I don’t know,” he said, taking his son’s seat.

“I can’t believe he thought smoking weed in the locker room was ok. Like he wouldn’t be punished for it. ” She shook her head. “The principle said that this is the final straw. They would have expelled him if wasn’t already so close to completing the 9th grade, but he’s not allowed back I honestly don’t know what to do with him.” 

“I don’t understand where we went wrong. Do you think it was the divorce?”

“Well I’m sure it didn’t help, El.”

“It’s those friends of his.”

“Well I’m not sure how much they are to blame. They’re walking across the stage. They get to wear the gown and all.”

“I guess it’s us then.”

“Can we take a break from this? I actually wanted to talk to you about something else important.”

“What?”

“Lizzie.”

“Oh God. Not her too.”

“No, El. It’s actually quite the opposite. I’ve been meaning to discuss this with you for a while now, but every time I remember to we have a problem with Dickie. I’ve been talking to her teachers and she’s doing very well. So well in fact that they think she needs to be challenged a bit more than she has been, but they don’t think she will be a St. John’s.”

“So where do they suggest she go?”

“Manhattan Prep.”

“What? Kathy we can’t afford that.”

“Actually, we can. She applied and got in. We’ve been working with her teachers and she got a couple scholarships that will cover it. She just has to keep her grades up and continue on their gymnastics team.”

“I don’t know, Kathy. I’ve run into some of the kids that go there and-”

“Elliot, this isn’t about you or me or what we want or how we feel. It’s about what’s best for our daughter.”

“Well, how does she feel about all this?”

“She doesn’t want to go. She did everything because I made her, but she’s not looking forward to going to a high school where she doesn’t know anyone and having to leave her friends behind.”

“Well then maybe we shouldn’t make her.”

“We have to. Elliot I don’t think you understand where we are right now. Maureen still has 2 years in college, Kathleen’s going next year and God forbid Dickie gets his act together and ends up going. We will have to pay for both he and Liz to go to college at the same time. Manhattan Prep can get Lizzie a full ride to collage. Something she is definitely not going to get at St. John’s.”

“Well then I guess the decision is made. So what do you need with me?”

“Well Manhattan Prep is only a few blocks from you and Olivia…” 

“You want her to move in with us,” Elliot stated. Kathy nodded. “Well, I would have to discuss it with Olivia,” he finished.

“That’s fine. They want her to take prep classes this summer before she goes so she’ll be better prepared to handle the work load in the fall. So she’ll need to move there in the next couple of weeks.”

“Ok. I’ll ask her tonight.”

“Thank you.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You really like the idea of her living with us?”

“Well I don’t love it, but I really want what’s best for her an-”

“I need to take a piss!” Dickie called down. “Do I have the detective’s permission to relieve myself?”

Elliot was off the couch and up the stairs in less than 30 seconds. A solution to their current predicament clicking into his head as he made his way up. He walked up to his son and grinned menacingly. “Yea. You have my permission to use the bathroom. And when you’re done you can come back in here and pack up all your things. You’re moving in with me tonight.”

“What? I’m not going.”

“Yes. You are,” Elliot said gleefully. “It’s either you come with me tonight or it’s boot camp this summer and military school in the fall. My old Marine buddy Jack runs the program and with one phone call he’ll have a spot for you by tomorrow morning. It’s your choice. So tell me, what’s it going to be?”


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia looked up from the newscaster who was attempting to predict the next day’s weather and waited in anticipation for Elliot to step through the foyer. She heard his key enter the lock. 10:43. That was early for him.

“Go pick a room upstairs and be ready tomorrow morning bright and early. I’m dropping you off to do some community service with one of the local soup kitchens.” Elliot ordered, pointing in the direction of the staircase.

The smile that was on Olivia’s face disappeared when she saw Dickie angrily tromp up the stairs, dragging a large duffle bag behind him.

“El? What’s going on?” The door to one of their bedrooms slammed shut.

“Dickie’s moving in. Liz will be moving in sometime in the next couple of weeks.”

“Don’t you think you should have discussed this with me first?”

“Liv, please. Not right now. I’ve got a headache and I’m honestly too tired to fight right now.”

Olivia shook her head at him before turning and heading up the stairs. Elliot waited for the inevitable slam of their bedroom door before walking into the kitchen to grab a beer, loosening his tie along the way. By the time he had returned to the couch he had tossed the tie and loosened the first few buttons on his shirt. He took a long swig of his bear and watched the latest story on the news, glad that he had nothing to do with it.

~*~

She couldn’t believe him. That he would just move his children into their home without even discussing it with her. She had always thought that was something a husband and wife would discuss with one another before making such a decision, but she knew that he wouldn’t. She knew because after nearly a year of marriage Elliot still did not respect her as his wife. He still refused to discuss certain things with her. He still made his smart ass comments that he knew annoyed the shit out of her. He downplayed her mothering skills. Most days she still felt like the partner he was fucking and it made her want out, but then there were those days where he’d look at her like she was his world. He’d treat her like she was his queen. He’d kiss her like he’d never kiss her again. He’d make love to her like she was the only woman he had ever loved, and that seemed to counter all the bad, but it was starting to not be enough. She knew he loved her more than life the same way she did him, but she wasn’t one to sit by and allow anyone to treat her in a manner that she found less than respectable and what she felt she was deserving of. She wondered how long she was willing to allow him to do so.

She glanced at the clock and realized she’d been musing for nearly three hours. It was nearly 2 and Elliot still hadn’t come to bed. She got up and walked quietly down the hallway to find out what he was up to. She found him slumped on the couch. His beer was still clutched in his hand and she couldn’t help but smile. She walked over and removed the beer.

“El,” she called softly. “El, c’mon wake up. Your back is going to hate you in the morning if you sleep out here.”

His fingers circled around her wrist and he pulled her to him. She fell against him, landing on the hard muscle of his broad chest. “Stay with me for awhile.”

“No, Elliot. C’mon. Let’s go to bed.” She tried to raise up off of him, but he held her close.

“I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about the twins moving in. It’s just that he was being such a little douche-”

Olivia laughed at that, “Douche? Really Elliot? He’s your son. ”

“I had lunch with Maur and Kathleen and they used it every time they mentioned a guy they used to like, which works out in my favor. I caught on I guess. Anyway I just wanted to shut him up. I had to get him out of that environment. His friends…” He shook his head. “I just needed to bring him somewhere else where he could just start over, and Kathy asked me before to take Lizzie . She’s supposed to start going to Manhattan Prep in the fall and has to go to some kind of summer program out here. I just figured it would be best if he came too and started at some other school out here in the fall.”

“Why are you telling me all this now?”

“Because I don’t want you thinking I don’t care about your feelings or respect you.” He saw her smirk, “Yea, I know the way your mind works,” he teased and kissed her cheek. “It was a split decision I made and I know I should I have discussed it with you first, but…he’s my son Liv. My only boy. I can’t lose him. I have to do everything I can to save him. I have to try everything.”

“I know,” Olivia whispered against his lips. She kissed the corner of his mouth. “Let’s go to bed.”

He kissed her back, deepening it immediately. “Forgive me,” he whispered as he moved his kisses to trail down her neck. She moaned against him then stood and slowly removed her pajama bottoms, locking eyes with him as she did so. Elliot made quick work of his pants and boxers while she removed her panties. Elliot muted the TV and admired his wife’s physique in its soft glow. She linked fingers with him and settled down easily over his engorged penis. She wrapped her arms around his neck and made love to his mouth as her hips rocked against him. As she felt his hands move down over her camisole to settle over the soft skin of her ass, pulling her down harder against him, she thought that there may be hope for them yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia pushed the door open to her home and lowered her daughter down to the floor. She took her time removing Kayla’s spring jacket and hung it up along with her leather jacket. She moved further into the house and sighed at the sight. She’d just cleaned this place yesterday before she had gone to bed. She bit her lip to keep from cursing out loud. Kayla was repeating everything these days.

“Mommy. ‘Ponge Bob?”

“Sure, Sweety.”

Olivia walked into the living room and put on her daughter’s preferred cartoon and began straightening up. She picked the couch cushions up off the floor and began arranging them neatly on the couch. Then she began picking up the snack wrappers and cups left about the place and on the coffee table, growling when she saw the water marks on the brand new $400 table they just bought. She’d asked them. Told them maybe 50 times in the 2 weeks that they had been there to pick up the trash and use a fucking coaster. She had even left the coasters out on the table for them. All they had to do was slide one under their drink before they placed it on the table.

Why the fuck was that so fucking hard???

“Son of a bitch!” She exclaimed as she stepped into the kitchen. The one she had spent cleaning for nearly 45 minutes before going to bed the night before. The one she left spotless that morning. The one that currently had a sink full of dirty dishes, a counter full of bread crumbs, a stove covered in oil splatter, and a frying pan with something she couldn’t identify stuck to her non-stick pan.

Surely they do know how to wash a plate. Kathy couldn’t have been that much of a den mother that she never made them lift a finger ever. Could she???

She closed her eyes and counted to 10 then began the arduous task of cleaning and starting dinner. She had just finished the dishes and was beginning to wipe off the counter, deciding to leave the stove until she finished cooking when her daughter walked into the room, her large blue eyes welled up with unshed tears.

“Mommy,” she whimpered reaching her arms up to her.

“What’s the matter Buggy?” Olivia inquired as she lifted her daughter up into her arms and swiping away the tears that had rolled down the little girl’s cheeks.

“Wiz,” she mumbled.

Olivia sighed. She was too tired to argue with her today about sharing the TV. “It’s ok baby. Why don’t you stay in here and help Mommy cook, hmm? Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

She nodded just as Olivia felt her cell phone buzz. She fished it out of her pocket and saw that it was Elliot calling. “Hey,” she answered.

“Hey, Babe. I’m not going to be coming in until late tonight.”

“You just caught a case?”

“No. The guys invited me out for some drinks after we finish interviewing witnesses.”

“Again, El? We haven’t seen you since Sunday.”

“I know Liv, but its been forever since I had a night with the guys.”

“Fine. You want me to save you some dinner?”

“No, I’ll probably just grab a burger or something while I’m there.”

“You sure? It’s meatloaf,” she enticed.

“Oh, then wrap me up a plate. I’ll eat it for breakfast or something.”

“Gross, El.”

“Yea, yea, yea. Food is food no matter what time you eat it. Look, I gotta go.”

“K. Love-” she heard the line go dead. “You,” she finished to herself.

~*~

Olivia watched as Lizzie pushed her food around her plate. Dickie had quietly devoured his food and then returned to the solace of his bedroom, leaving the ladies to continue their dinner in silence and his plate in the sink for Olivia to wash.

“Not hungry?” Olivia tried, turning to her daughter and helping her scoop a spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

“I’m hungry. I just don’t eat dog food,” Lizzie replied.

Olivia was not going to touch that one. She knew her meatloaf was not dog food. Dickie had just eaten it without a word, and Elliot nearly inhaled it every time she made it.

“Well, if you don’t feel like eating meatloaf that’s fine.”

“Can I have some money for a pizza?”

“No. There’s plenty of food in the fridge you can eat instead.”

“Whatever,” Lizzie said shoving the plate away from her. She got up abruptly and began to walk away from the table. “Bitch,” she mumbled underneath her breath, just loud enough for Olivia to hear.

Olivia sat there unfazed. Sort of. “Lizzie can you please come back and pick up your plate?”

“You do it,” the teenager called back.

“Elizabeth. Either come back and pick up the plate now, or explain to your father why its still sitting there when he gets home.”

Lizzie growled and walked swiftly back to the table. She picked it up and walked into the kitchen to throw it in the sink. Olivia winced as she heard the clatter. She knew instantly that she had lost yet another plate to Lizzie’s antics. The young girl returned, a satisfied grin plastered on her face. “Anything else?” she asked sweetly.

“Yes. Look you don’t have to like me, but I’m asking that you at least respect me and your sister while you’re here.” 

“Half-sister, and sure thing. Anything you say Mommy Dearest.” Lizzie replied, the grin never leaving her face.

~*~

Olivia sat and waited for Elliot to come home, her hands tangling gently in her daughter’s hair as she slept beside her. She heard the alarm chirp and listened as Elliot walked in, disarmed and then rearmed it. He gingerly made his way up the stairs and into their bedroom and she pretended not to notice when he came in and focused her attention on the late night sitcom on the TV, but he came and leaned over to kiss her on the lips and she couldn’t help but melt into him.

“How was your day?” he whispered, mindful of their sleeping child beside them.

“Fine,” she answered softly.

“Before I forget, do you think you can pick up some blueberry Nutragrain bars for Lizzie the next time you go grocery shopping? She’s addicted to them and asked me to get her some yesterday.”

“No. Which is the same answer I told her when she asked me. Kayla is highly allergic to blueberries, and I prefer to have nothing blueberry in the house to be on the safe side.”

“Olivia that’s a pitiful excuse. It’s a few bars. She’s not going to get into them unless you give it to her.”

“I’ll tell you what. When Lizzie starts picking up the rice crispy treat wrappers she leaves in the living room every day I’ll consider it. Till then the answer is no.”

Elliot sighed and decided to drop the subject, not in the mood for a fight.“Why’s the Rugrat in here?”

She turned off the TV.“She’s scared…” Olivia answered as she gazed down at Kayla and brushed her hair from her face.

“Oh.”

“Of your children,” Olivia finished, meeting his eyes boldly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Elliot asked defensively.

“They don’t like her.”

“What makes you think that?”

“They’re mean to her. Well, no. Dickie isn’t. He just refuses to acknowledge her presence, or mine for that matter.”

“Liv, please. You’re reading too much into this. She’s their sister-”

“Half sister,” Olivia corrected in an attempt to point out the difference.

“Whatever, half sister. They like her. She probably just annoys them a little, which is normal.”

“Believe me, Elliot. The way that they treat her, and me, is not normal.”

“What do you mean?”

“She called my meatloaf dog food.”

Elliot laughed. Olivia glared at him, not sure what part of her sentence he found funny. “Lizzie hates meatloaf. Always has ever since Dickie convinced her that was what it was when they were about 4. Never touched it when Kathy made it either.”

“Well she could have said something. I would have made her something else to eat. She also broke another plate today, because I asked her to put it in the sink instead of leaving it on the table.”

“She probably did it by accident.” Elliot said, getting up and starting to undress.

“She did it on purpose, Elliot.”

“Maybe she did. Maybe she didn’t. I don’t know and neither do you. Only she does.”

“So what are you saying? I’m a liar now?”

“No. I’m saying that there are two sides to every story and that I will ask her about it tomorrow.” He removed his shirt and tossed it into the hamper.

“Well, what about the living room? I came home this evening and it was a mess and so was the kitchen. One of them fried something on the stove and then just left it there.”

“That was me. I was running late this morning and didn’t have time to clean it up.” Elliot placed the rest of his clothes in the hamper and made his way to the bathroom in his boxers.

She followed him and sighed as she stood in the doorway. “You need to talk to them El. Dickie smelled like weed today at the dinner table.”

“What? No. No he wouldn’t. He knows he’s on thin ice right now,” he said shaking his head as he applied toothpaste to his tooth brush.

“Well apparently its not thin enough, and you need to ask them to respect both me and your daughter while they’re living here because I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.”

He stopped brushing his teeth and stared at her with fear in his eyes. “And what do you mean by that?”

“I’m saying that I’m not going to sit around and be disrespected in my own home and have my daughter afraid to move around in her own home as well, and if you don’t do something and do something quick its going to come down to us or them, and I don’t think I need to explain to you what I mean by that.”

“So that’s how you’re going to handle this? If you don’t get your way you’re just going to up and leave.”

“I’m saying Elliot that I love you very much, but there is only so much I’m willing to put up with, especially when it comes to that little girl right there.” Olivia stated point to the bed that their daughter slept in. “Her happiness and safety means the world to me, and I put that before my own every time! Now I have her living in a home with a potential drug addict, a girl that terrifies her on a daily basis to the point where she won’t leave my side for a second, and a father that would rather drink with his friends than come home and read her a bedtime story. You can do something to fix that, but don’t stand there and think that you can just ignore it and hope it goes away, because it’s not going to. And believe me, you don’t want to know what’s going to happen if it doesn’t.”

He finished brushing his teeth, rinsed out his mouth, and washed his face. He grabbed a towel and used it to dry his face and put it back then came to stand in front of her. Toe to toe. “Don’t you ever question my love for my daughter or any of my other children for that matter. I had a rough couple of days and I wanted to unwind a bit before I came home. I’ll talk to them, but don’t think you can use divorce as a bargaining tool to get what you want all the time, and don’t think I’m just going to take your side against my children every time either. I have to be as fair as I possibly can be all the time, but my name’s not King Solomon. I don’t always make the best decisions, but I try. I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone right now. Now if you’d excuse me.”

He brushed past her and went to pull on a T-shirt and some pajama bottoms. She turned off the bathroom light and climbed in on her side of the bed. He climbed in on his side and turned his back to her and their child, and as she lay there in the cold darkness she realized that this was the first time they ever went to bed angry.


	5. Chapter 5

There had been no change. Every day she came home to a dirty home. Her kitchen was always a mess. They ate everything, including the things she bought to send with Kayla for lunch at daycare. After having to resort to junk food two days in a row she had taken to buying things that were hassle free that she could simply leave at the day care, which she hated. Not because it made the daycare director question her mothering abilities, but because it did indeed make her feel like less of a mother.

Lizzie now called her a bitch outright to her face. Dickie ignored her no matter what she asked of him, and though still disrespectful and a little annoying, she did prefer it to Lizzie’s constant attempts to piss- her- the- fuck- off. No matter how much she complained to Elliot, he would always placate her by telling her he would talk to Lizzie, something she knew he never did.

There were now stains on her crème colored couch. Stains not made by her daughter like she thought would have eventually been the case. The tassels on her cushions were no more. There were a thousand rings on her coffee table to the point where she had simply thrown it out. That meant that there were now juice stains on her area rug and she knew, that by the time she had scrubbed out all the stains, it would be ruined as well.

She stared up at the ceiling as he moved over her, no longer interested in sleeping with him. She would have denied him if she had realized that he only wanted to fuck her instead of make love to her. She was stressed and could use the release, but what she wanted the most was the connection. She had only realized when he avoided one of her kisses and instead buried his face in her neck that what she wanted was not a priority tonight. He didn’t pay any attention to her. Didn’t kiss her in all the places he used to, but this wasn’t what upset her the most because she knew what he was doing. They did it to each other whenever the other had a particularly hard day. They had sex just for the pure sexual gratification of the act and nothing more. To take out their frustration and heartache on the other or just forget for a few hours, but in the end they’d settle into the other’s embrace and talk or just hold the one another. For comfort and for love. There hadn’t been any talking or holding the past three times he did this.

He grunted above her, pushing harder inside her. She winced as he did so, but his attention was elsewhere. He came hard inside her pushing harder and grunting louder as he did so. She lay there with his weight on top of her, and allowed the tears to roll unchecked down the sides of her face to pool in her ears. Normally she loved feeling his weight on her, but tonight it disgusted her and made her feel used and cheap. She shifted her body in an attempt to get him off of her. He rose up, confused.

“Liv?”

She shoved him hard catching him off guard and used the chance to escape. She dashed into the bathroom closing and locking the door behind her. He moved quickly, but not fast enough and ended up having the door slammed in his face. “Liv! Liv!” he called. “Open this door right now before I break it down!” He listened in to hear if she made any movement and was met with the heart-sickening sound of her sobs. “Liv?” He called again, this time softly. “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry. Liv, please. Open the door. Talk to me.” The door swung open abruptly and he tried to embrace her but she side stepped him. He managed to catch her arm and she turned and slapped him. He stared at her in shock, touching the area as the stinging pain radiated through his face. He stared at her flushed, tear stained face. He watched as more rolled down her cheek and saw the pain in her eyes. She shook off his limp grasp and grabbed her clothes off the floor. 

“The next time you want someone to fuck, stop and pick up a $10 whore before you come home and stop using me as one! I’m your wife! Your wife!!!” She walked out the room, slamming the door behind her.

He stood there motionless as he realized for the first time that he was losing her. His marriage was crumbling before his very eyes and he had no idea how to stop it. Again.


	6. Chapter 6

He did his best the next day to get home as soon as possible. He managed to get in by 7, which meant that he had missed dinner, but was still in before bedtime. Kayla had been ecstatic to see him. She didn’t let him out her sight no matter what she did. Or he did for that matter. Olivia, on the other hand, had barely spoken a word to him. She had disappeared into their bedroom once he had stepped through the door, and hadn’t shown her face since.

He took his time going through Kayla’s bedtime routine. It had been so long since he’d done it that he almost forgot what it was, but he quickly remembered. As he sat with his daughter in his arms, reading to her, he realized how much she’d grown in such a short amount of time. She no longer flipped the pages ahead of what he was reading. She simply sat in his warm embrace and looked on with her finger in her mouth. As he tucked the covers around her, he realized the mistake he made in ever choosing to do something else instead of spending time with her.

He headed for his bedroom, hoping to talk with his wife and fix whatever problem or problems they seemed to be having lately. He couldn’t lose her. Not again. Their first break up almost killed him. He didn’t want to split custody. He didn’t want to pretend that that he no longer loved her or that he didn’t care that she was dating other men. He fully intended to grow older with her. When he said till death do them part he meant it and he was going to fight like hell to make sure it ended that way.

He entered the room to find it empty. He heard her in the bathroom and went to see what she was up to. He watched as she applied the finishing touches to her makeup and checked herself over one last time. She walked past him and slid into her solid black shiny pumps. He took in her appearance from head to toe. She wore a white off the shoulder blouse that exposed a sliver of skin between it and the skinny jeans that clung to every curve on her body. Her long hair was drawn up into a smooth ponytail. His wife was sexy as hell.

“Where you going?” he asked.

“Out,” she replied simply.

He watched as she grabbed a small clutch purse and disappeared out the door.

~*~

She had come home long after he had fallen asleep and was gone with their daughter by the time he was awake. It was nearly a week since “operation: get my marriage back on track” commenced, and he was failing miserably. She wouldn’t speak to him. Every time he came home early she would simply get dressed and go out. He hadn’t shared a bed with her since that horrible night. He had awoken worried one night at 3 am when he realized she wasn’t in bed beside him. He was about to call the cops when he figured he should look for her first, and found that she preferred to camp out on their daughter’s bedroom floor. He couldn’t figure out if he was hurt more because she didn’t want to share a bed with him or because it meant that she was slowly slipping away from him no matter how hard he tried to hang on to her.

Tonight he was startled out his sleep as he heard a few bumps in the night. He lay in bed quietly and listened to see if he heard anything else. Moments later she busted in sloppily through the door. She stumbled out of her red stilettos and crashed onto the bed. She reeked of alcohol, smoke, and men’s cologne. He got up and walked over to her side of the bed, nearly tripping over of her strewn out shoes. She had fallen asleep in her jacket and clothes. He removed the leather jacket carefully then began to work on her jeans. As he pulled off the final leg leaving her clad in her simple black tube top and black lace thong a piece of paper fell out of her jeans pocket. He picked it up and unraveled it. Afraid, it was what he thought it might be.

James 555-0132

He crumpled it in his fist and was about to throw it out when he realized what ramifications that might entail. If she found out he was searching through her things, which he technically wasn’t doing. At least not yet. She would be livid. No, he would have to play smart, and catch her in the act.

~*~

He arrived home this time in time for dinner. She had claimed she wasn’t hungry and disappeared into their bedroom while he ate with the kids. He quickly finished and had helped Kayla with her plate before assigning Lizzie to dish duty and heading upstairs, Kayla hot on his tail. He entered the room just as Olivia was looking through her closet apparently trying to find something to wear tonight.

“Going out again tonight?” he asked casually as he took a seat on the edge of the bed and pulled Kayla into his lap. He turned on the TV and put it the Disney Channel to distract her.

“Yep.” She answered simply.

“Where you going?”

“Don’t know yet.”

“Well, I was thinking maybe I should come with you. We could use some time alone.”

“No.” She answered simply as she continued to look in her closet.

“Why not?”

“Someone needs to stay here with Kayla.”

“Her brother and sister are here. They can watch her.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t trust them.”

“What do you mean you don’t trust them? You think they’re going to do something to her?” He asked defensively.

“They are not watching my child, and that’s all I’m going to say Elliot.”

“Well, if you’re leaving here I’m coming with you. And that’s that.”

“Fine. C’mon, sweetie, let’s go,” she said as she picked up Kayla. She gave him a death glare as she passed him and they disappeared into Kayla’s room.

~*~

The next day, as soon as he stepped into the house, she was there waiting for him. She placed Kayla in his arms, and was out the door before he could fully process what was going on. He watched the taillights of their black Nissan Mirano disappear down the street and swallowed his anger. If this was the way she was going to play it, then two could play that game. The next time, he would be ready for her.


	7. Chapter 7

He arrived home later than he had originally anticipated, but it didn’t matter. His plan was nearly fool-proof. He stepped into the house and, just as he had anticipated, she had handed off their daughter and headed out the door. As soon as the door was closed he began putting his plan into action.

“Lizzie I need you to watch your sister tonight,” he stated, placing Kayla in the chair beside her sister.

“What? No. She’s your kid. Your responsibility,” the teenager stated without removing her eyes from the TV screen.

“She’s your sister, and I’m telling you to watch her for a few hours. Most of which she’ll be sleeping through.”

“This is so unfair. I shouldn’t be forced to do anything I don’t want to do.”

“Well, you can always find a place of your own.”

“You act like I asked to move here. I was forced to move here. Forced to go to that stupid school, and now I’m being forced to babysit.”

“I know. Your life is so hard,” Elliot deadpanned. “Look, it’s just for a few hours. I don’t ask you to do much and I’m asking you to do this.”

“Whatever,” she said waving him off.

He took that as a yes and quickly ran upstairs to change. Exchanging his work clothes for jeans, sneakers, and a T-shirt, he hurried back downstairs and nearly tripped over his youngest.

“Daddy, I come,” She stated simply as he scooped her up.

“Not this time Baby,” he said, kissing her forehead.

“But I two. I two Daddy.”

“No. Not this time,” he said distractedly as he searched for his keys, misunderstanding his daughter’s short words. He found them in the corner of the couch after remembering that he dropped them there when he put Kayla down .

“Can have snack Daddy? Please Daddy? Snack?”

He sighed and quickly went into the kitchen. He rummaged through the cupboards and came up empty handed. “Doesn’t your mother go grocery shopping anymore?” He asked the two year old, who simply stared at him with blue eyes that had come to match his own. He continued to look and finally came across a box of blueberry Nutrigrain bars. He pulled one out, tore the wrapper, and handed it to Kayla. He lifted her and placed her back beside her sister.

“Ok, Liz I’ll be back soon. You have my cell if anything happens or you need me or something.”

“Yea Dad, I know.”

“K.” He leaned down and kissed Kayla on the top of the head. “Bye Princess. Bye Liz. Thanks a lot for doing this for me,” he said as he headed towards the door.

“Yea. Like I had a choice,” Lizzie mumbled to herself as the door closed behind her father. She looked at the child who sat in the corner of the chair and stared up at her. “What?” she growled, causing the little girl to jump and scurry away.

~*~

Elliot eyed the screen of the locator and the road as her tried to determine which street he should take. He had placed the tracker on Olivia’s car before he had gone inside the house and used the locator to track her down. The screen began to beep and he figured that he was close. He looked up and down the street and spotted her car and then a restaurant/bar about a block up. He quickly found a spot and headed in. Ted’s wasn’t a place they ever went. He wondered if it was a place she went with her partner or the guys from her unit. He looked around and took in the casual surroundings. He spotted her easily at the bar. Laughing it up with some asshole in a suit. The man covered her hand with his and he saw red. He was going to kill him. The man leaned over and whispered something seductively into Olivia’s ear. Yup. He was going to die and he was going to die tonight. Elliot strode over and sat on the other side of Olivia and began laughing it up with them. Olivia turned to face him and the look on her face was one of pure mortification.

“Elliot Stabler. Olivia’s husband,” Elliot said, reaching over to shake the man’s hand.

“David,” he answered, slightly confused. He shook Elliot’s hand and turned to face Olivia. “Liv, you never said he was coming,”

“Oh she didn’t know I was coming. I decided to surprise her.” 

“Yea. That’s my husband. He’s just full of surprises,” She deadpanned and took a long pull of her beer.

“So you’re David, huh? I was wondering who you were ever since I pulled your number out of the back of my wife’s pants pocket a week ago. No wait. No, his name was James. Any chance you go by that name?”

“No,” David replied slowly eyeing Olivia quizzically. She eyed him apologetically and tightened her grip on Elliot’s thigh.

“So how long have you two been seeing each other?”

“We just met up tonight. It was the only day I got out of my conference early. Liv’s told me a lot about you and Kayla.”

“Really? She hasn’t said anything to me about you. In fact, she hasn’t said very much to me the past couple of weeks.”

“Elliot,” she growled.

“Wow. Well, it was nice to finally meet you. I didn’t think we’d get a chance to actually meet.”

“Really? And who are you, exactly?”

“Well, I think that’s enough meet and greet for one night. David, I’ll call you later. Maybe we can do lunch or something before you leave.” She dropped a $10 bill on the bar and headed quickly for the door.

“Sure,” David replied, slightly confused.

“I’ll deal with you later,” Elliot stated before following quickly after Olivia. “Olivia!” he called as he jogged quickly to catch up to her. “So that’s how you’re going to act. You step out on me and whore yourself out to all of Manhattan and I’m the bad guy?”

That got her attention.

“Excuse me?” She turned on him, livid. “What did you just say?”

“You go out night after night. Bar hopping and passing out drunk on your daughter’s bedroom floor. I come to find out what the hell you’ve been doing and find you cozying up with some fucker you met in a bar and then you act like I’m the one who did something wrong?”

“First of all, I haven’t been whoring myself out to anyone. I’ve always been faithful, which is more than I can say for you. Second of all, David is very much gay and is an old friend from college.”

“Then why haven’t I heard about him?” She rolled her eyes and turned back around to continue her way back to her car. “Liv, wait. I can’t do this!” He yelled at her retreating form and she froze. “I can’t lose you. I know you haven’t been happy for awhile and I’m at a loss at what to do. So tell me what it is I need to do to make you happy and I’ll do it. Whatever it is that will fix all this, I will do.” He caught up with her and turned her to face him. “I love you way too much to lose you and our family again. Please. Help me save us and our family. Whatever is,” he said, swiping tears from her eyes.

“I-” Realization dawned on her face and she eyed him skeptically. “Where’s Kayla?”

“At home with Lizzzie and Dickie,” he stated, as if it were obvious.

“Oh God!” she exclaimed and turned out of his embrace. She began running for her car, but he grabbed her and held onto her.

“Wait, Liv. She’s fine. We need to fix this.”

“Let me go! I have to get to her,” she shrieked, trying to shake his grasp off of her.

“Olivia, she’s fine. They’re not going to do anything to her,” he heard his cell phone ring and felt it buzzing in his pocket, but ignored it. She continued struggle against him. When his phone continued to ring he eventually let her go to answer it, remembering his words to Lizzie before he left. “It’s the house,” he called to her retreating form. She immediately turned back around and came to stand in front of him. “Stabler,” he answered. “Ok…Ok…Ok Lizzie, calm down. Hang up. And call 911 right now. Right now.” Elliot locked eyes with Olivia, his eyes saying it all. 

The blood immediately drained from Olivia’s face.


	8. Chapter 8

They arrived at the hospital before the ambulance did and it set Olivia into another fit of panic.

“Are you sure you don’t know what happened? What did she say, exactly?”

“I don’t know. Something about throwing up and breathing really fast. I couldn’t hear much over the crying.”

Just then the paramedics rushed in, wheeling Kayla in on a large stretcher. An oxygen mask covered her tiny blood stained face as she lay there, motionless. Elliot and Olivia immediately rushed over, only to be held back by the nurses and a security guard.

“I’m her mother! I’m her mother!” Olivia exclaimed as she struggled against the nurses that were trying to hold her back.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, but family isn’t allowed in the trauma room. We’ll call you and your husband as soon as we have her stabilized.”

“Please. I need to be with her,” Olivia begged.

“I understand your need to be with her, but right now they need to work on her. We’ll be out with any information as soon as it becomes available.” With that the nurse turned and disappeared through the trauma room doors. Olivia turned to head back to the waiting room and it was then that she noticed Lizzie with tears in her eyes.

She quickly marched over to her. “What happened?!” Olivia demanded.

More tears filled Lizzie’s eyes. “I don’t knoooow,” Lizzie wailed.

“Liv,” Elliot tried to intervene.

“No. You know something! You were there. I saw blood. Why is she bleeding?”

“I don’t know. When we were in the ambulance she started shaking. One of the paramedics said she had a seizure and bit her tongue. At the house I was watching TV and I heard her crying and-and-” Lizzie blubbered.

“What?! You were supposed to be watching her!!! What the hell did you do to my daughter?!” Olivia lunged at her, but Elliot caught her before she could make contact.

“Olivia, calm down,” Elliot said, pulling her back.

“Get off me!!!” she yelled, shrugging Elliot off of her. “Calm down? Calm down. They just wheeled our two year old daughter in here, unconscious, and we still don’t know what the hell happened to her. She’s the only one that knows. Stop trying to play peacemaker and act like you fucking give a damn!!!”

“I do care. But yelling and screaming at a fifteen year old isn’t helping anybody right now, and it isn’t making her give up the information any faster, either.”

Just then a doctor appeared and scanned the room. His attention settled on them and he headed over. “Mr. and Mrs. Stabler, we’re having a hard time stabilizing your daughter’s condition. Do you know if your daughter has any allergies to any medication or is there anything she could have eaten tonight? Any medication she could have taken?”

“She’s allergic to blueberries and that’s about it,” Olivia answered, “But I didn’t give her anything today with any blueberries in it. And I didn’t give her any medication either.”

“Oh God, the Nutrigrain bar,” Elliot said in disbelief. “I accidentally gave her a blueberry Nutrigrain bar before I left the house.”

“You did what?” Olivia asked, incredulously.

“Ok, and how long ago was that,” the doctor inquired.

“I don’t know. An hour ago? Maybe two?” Elliot answered.

“Ok. Thank you. This might help,” the doctor said before heading back to the trauma room.

“So you go behind my back and buy the bars after I said no, because I was afraid of her getting into them, and then you give one to her?”

“It was an accident. She asked me for a snack and I was in a rush. It didn’t even click.”

“Didn’t click? She’s your daughter! How the hell do you forget that she’s allergic to blueberries?! It’s the one thing that she’s allergic to. You better pray that she’s ok because if she’s not… so help me God.”

Elliot took a seat beside Lizzie and buried his face in his hands. He sent up silent prayers that his youngest survived this ordeal. Olivia anxiously paced the room, but came to an abrupt halt when she head cries and screams come from the trauma room. She immediately recognized them as her daughter’s and couldn’t contain herself. She rushed through the doors and into the trauma room to find her daughter on the bed, kicking and screaming as she tried in vain to keep the doctors from touching her.

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” she screeched at the top of her lungs.

Olivia immediately rushed to her side and took a flailing hand in hers, ignoring the nurses’ and doctors’ insistence that she not be allowed in there. “Shh. Shhh. Baby, I’m right here. I’m right here.” Olivia crooned to her daughter. Tears sprang to her eyes and she allowed them to fall, unchecked.

“Mommy,” Kayla croaked as she tried to climb from the bed and into her mother’s arms.

“Shh. Baby. You gotta stay here and be a good girl. You gotta let the nice people help you.”

Kayla’s eyes rolled back into her head and her body immediately began to convulse. Suddenly Olivia felt herself being pulled back and she stood in abject horror as she watched the doctors and nurses work on her daughter. Her baby was dying before her eyes and there was nothing she could do to save her.

~*~

Olivia sat diligently by her daughter’s side. Her tiny, pale, cold hand was encased in both of hers. Elliot stood against the back wall and took in his daughter’s appearance. A respirator sat beside the little girl’s bed and pumped air into her nearly lifeless body. An IV leaked various medications into her veins. All of this because of his negligence. Tears filled his eyes and he did his best to blink them away. Both parents looked up when there was a knock on the door.

A woman, professionally dressed and about their age, entered the room.“Hi, my name is Deborah Scarsdale. I’m here with Mercy General social services.”

“Olivia Stabler,” Olivia nodded, not yet willing to let go of her daughter’s hand.

“Elliot Stabler,” Elliot said as he shook the woman’s hand.

“Nice to meet you both. I’m here to talk to you about your daughter’s safety. Now I need to interview you two separately-”

“Wait, safety? Kayla is safe. She just had an allergic reaction to some blueberries. It was an accident that I promise won’t happen again.” Olivia answered, slightly confused.

“The doctor hasn’t talked to you then?”

“No, why?”

“Excuse me for a moment,” she said before disappearing out the door. Olivia and Elliot shared the same confused look as they watched the woman disappear from the room. She returned a few minutes later with their daughter’s doctor in tow.

The young girl wore faded scrubs. Her silky black hair pulled back into a sloppy ponytail. “I apologize for not coming in to talk to you sooner, Mr. and Mrs. Stabler. Another Trauma came in right after we stabilized your daughter and I knew you were anxious to see her.”

“You didn’t have time to talk to us, but you had time to call Social Services?” Elliot asked, incredulously.

“It’s protocol in these types of situations.”

“What situations?” Olivia inquired.

“There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to say it. A tox screen revealed that your daughter had traces of Ecstasy in her system.”

“What?” Olivia questioned in disbelief. “No. Your test must be wrong.”

“I’m afraid not, Mrs. Stabler. We ran it several times to be sure. It was the reason we were having so much trouble stabilizing your daughter. The cause of the seizures, the breathing, and the fever. It turns out it was a good thing she ate that Nutrigrain bar, otherwise we’d be having a very different conversation right now. Her allergic reaction to the blueberries caused her to expel some of the drug before it could be absorbed into her system. We pumped her stomach to get what was left and treated as best we could for her symptoms. She should pull through ok. We’re going to keep her here for a few days for observation, though.”

Olivia turned her attention from the doctor and stared at her daughter in disbelief.

“Mrs. Stabler, can we go find somewhere to talk?” The social worker inquired.

Olivia got up robotically and followed behind the her.

~*~

They’d been blindsided.

While Olivia met with the social worker, Elliot met with the Manhattan South Special Victims Unit. They wanted to know where the drugs came from. Who was using. How his daughter got into them, and a series of questions he never thought he’d ever have to answer. He hadn’t lied. At least not exactly, but he didn’t tell them that he had his suspicions about where the drugs came from. He banned them from talking to either of his children, and when they threatened to return with warrants, he told them to do just that. He managed to send a mass text to all of his children, Munch, Fin, Casey and Cragen asking them to keep their mouths shut if any detectives came by. He sent a special text to Kathy, telling her not to allow any detectives to talk to the kids, and that he would explain more as soon as things died down and he had a chance to call her. After that he had to meet with the social worker, and he knew the detectives had gone to would be talking to Olivia.

Once the social worker had let him go he had rushed back to Kayla’s room just as the detectives were leaving. He entered to find Olivia back at her post, their daughter’s hand secure in both of hers.

“What did you tell them?” he asked by way of greeting.

“The truth,” she answered monotonously.

“What exactly did you say?”

She turned to look at him.“That I thought Dickie was taking drugs, and that he could be how she got into them.”

“What? Olivia, how could you?”

“How could I? How could I???” She seethed. “How could you bring a drug addict into our home?!”

“My son is NOT a drug addict.”

“Yes he is Elliot, and you would know if you were home every now and then to see that he is!” She exclaimed and shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re standing there worried about him when your daughter is lying here on a respirator.”

“The doctors said she would pull through.”

“Whatever Elliot. You know what? Leave! Get the fuck out of here and come back when you fucking give a damn.”

“Don’t give me that shit! Of course I give a damn, but she’s not my only kid. I have a son to worry about too!!!”

“They’re trying to take her away!!! Because of your son. They say she’s in an unsafe environment.”

“They won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I won’t let them.”


	9. Chapter 9

Elliot found Lizzie dozing in the waiting room. She had found a way to curl her body into one of the chairs and huddled under his jeans jacket in an effort to keep warm. He knew he needed to get her home, it was almost two in the morning and she had class in a few hours. There were so many things he needed to do. He had to call a lawyer. He had to keep his son out of jail. He needed to sign some insurance papers, talk to Kathy, shower, eat, and so many other things. The more he thought about it the longer the list got, but first, he needed some answers. He had to protect his family and he needed information if he was going to do so effectively. He also needed some peace of mind, but he wasn’t sure he was going find it.

He shook his daughter lightly. “Liz, wake up.”

She opened her eyes, confusedly took in her surroundings, and realized the nightmare wasn’t yet over. “Daddy?”

“I need you to tell me what happened.”

Tears immediately formed in her eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Well then, I need you to tell me what you do know. Everything that you remember happening.”

She sniffled. “After I yelled at her-”

“Why did you yell at her?”

She let out a sob, “Because she was looking at me,” she cried. “I’m so sorry, Daddy.”

Elliot sighed. He was Disappointed in her, but mostly in himself. “What else happened?”

“She ran upstairs, but I don’t know what she was doing up there.”

“Weren’t you watching her?”

“No,” she wailed. “I just thought I could ignore her and that she’d eventually fall asleep on her own. Then I could just put her in bed, but then she started crying and she wouldn’t stop so I went to see what was wrong with her and I found her in the hallway. That’s when she threw up and started crying again. I cleaned it up and when I was done I noticed she was breathing really fast and she didn’t look too good, and I remembered the Nutrigrain bar and what Olivia said when I asked her to buy them for me. That’s when I called you. I was afraid her throat was going to close up or something.”

His own daughter could remember that his youngest was allergic to blueberries and he couldn’t. He was a shit father. “Do you still disrespect Olivia even though I asked you not to?”

She stared at him in silence after being thrown for a loop by the abrupt change in topic. He didn’t look at her and she realized he hadn’t looked at her since the conversation began. “Yes,” she answered softly.

“Did you call her meatloaf dog food?”

“Yes.”

“Do you break the plates on purpose?”

“Yes.”

“Did you call her a bitch?”

“Daddy,” she whined.

“Did you?” he asked more forcefully.

“Yes,” she hiccupped.

“Do you leave the living room a mess on purpose?”

“Yes,” she sobbed. “Daddy-”

“Are you purposely mean to your sister?” he cut her off.

“Yes,” she answered before breaking into more tears.

“Why?”

“Because!” she wailed. “If it wasn’t for her, you and mom would still be together.”

“Who told you that?”

“I overheard Mom talking to Aunt Sarah. She said she knew you wanted to be with her but you were having a baby with Olivia. If it wasn’t for them you two would still be together.”

“Kayla has nothing to do with me and Olivia being together. I’m with her because I love her.”

“Why don’t you love Mom? You guys were together forever. Longer than you’ve even known Olivia. Why didn’t you love her?”

“I did. I still do, but not in the way you should love your wife. I love her because she’s been a part of my life since I was just a kid. Because she gave me you guys. We were young when we got married, but as we grew up, we grew apart. It happens.”

“But Mom wanted you back.”

“And I wasn’t in love her anymore. To enter into a relationship with her like that would have been a disaster and everyone would have ended up getting hurt. Again. Including you guys, and I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let you guys feel that kind of pain again. I can still see that look on your faces the night we told you guys. That hurt, disappointed look. I couldn’t do that to you all again. Look, what happened between your mother and me was because of your mother and me. Olivia and Kayla had nothing to do with it. Especially Kayla. She’s the innocent one in all this. She was born into this mess, but didn’t cause it. And you were mean to her for no reason at all.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” He still wouldn’t look at her. “Is Dickie still doing drugs?”

She nodded.

“Where does he get them from?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where!” He growled, causing the girl to jump.

“I don’t know!!!”

“Does he still see his friends?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Every day after summer school. They come and pick him up or he takes the train.”

He nodded. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s Dickie,” she stated, as if it were obvious.

He nodded in understanding. If she wasn’t already in this fragile state she wouldn’t have told him a thing. All of his children were close, but none of their relationships compared to bond Lizzie and Dickie shared. He could ground her for a year and she wouldn’t tell him a thing if she knew it would get Dickie in trouble. From birth they were always happiest when they were together. They even had their own language that they spoke from time to time. Lizzie always had her brothers back and Dickie always had hers. The same way he and Olivia were when they were partners. He sighed.

“Let’s go.”

~*~

They arrived at the house shortly after midnight that night. Elliot quickly put the car in park and rushed into the house. He took deep breaths in an effort to control his rage, but as he leaped up the steps and busted into his son’s room it was clear it wasn’t working.

“Where are they!?!?!” He shouted, startling Dickie out of his sleep.

The boy pulled off his Beats headphones and stared at his father, confused. “Dad? What are you talking about?”

Elliot began tearing through his son’s things, tossing various items in his desperate search for the contraband. “The pills. The Goddamn pills. Where are they!!!”

“Dad what are you talking about? I don’t have any pills! Careful Dad, that’s my stuff!” he exclaimed as Elliot carelessly tossed his PS3 on the floor along with his stereo and speakers.

“The fucking pills that you brought into this Goddamn house and your sister took! Where’s the rest of them.”

Dickie quickly scurried to his discarded backpack and searched through the pocket. When he came up empty handed he stared guiltily up at his father. “Dad I swear. They. Weren’t. Mine. I swear, Dad. I was just holding them for a friend.”

“Holding them for a friend?!?! You really think I’m going to believe that crap?! You brought that shit into MY house and think that it was ok because you were holding them for a friend? Your sister is lying in a hospital bed because you left that shit out for her to find!” Elliot seethed.

“I didn’t leave anything out! If she never came into my room and started searching through my things nothing would have happened to her.”

Dickie barely had a chance to brace himself before Elliot grabbed the boy by his T-shirt and slammed him up against the wall.

“Daddy!” Lizzie screamed.

Elliot stared his son in the eye and seethed dangerously close to him. “Did I hear you correctly? Did you just blame your 2 year old sister for taking your drugs?” Elliot shoved him causing the boy to bang his head against the wall. He winced in pain.“Did I?”

Dickie’s voice came out as a whimper. “I didn’t know, Dad. I didn’t know it was her.”

“Didn’t know. Well now you do, and I’m sorry but you’ve run out of chances.” Elliot released him. “Pack your things. You’re going to boot camp and then military school in the fall.”

“Dad. Dad, no. Please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Dad. Please!!!” Dickie cried.

“Dad, give him one more chance. He’ll be good. I promise. I’ll make sure, Dad,” Lizzie begged.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie. But I have no more grace to give.”


	10. Chapter 10

He did not know how to fix this. After a few days he had returned to work while Olivia had remained by their daughter’s bedside. Kayla had since been weaned off of the respirator and was out of the PICU. She was doing well, but Olivia’s and his relationship was another story. She still refused to speak with him and they had taken to spending time with Kayla in shifts. He could barely get her to look at him; he had no idea how he was going to get her to forgive him.

Elliot strolled onto the pediatric floor of New York Presbyterian Hospital. He signed in with the nurse and made his way over to Kayla’s room. Olivia hadn’t texted him today to let him know she was leaving, but he figured she had forgotten. He entered the room to find it empty. Confused, he turned around and headed back to the nurses’ station.

“I’m sorry, what happened to Kayla Stabler? Was she taken for tests or something?”

“Oh, the doctor released her hours ago. Your wife already took her home.”

“Oh. I guess I just missed her call or something,” Elliot replied, smiling as he headed back to the elevator. He quickly dialed Olivia’s number but received no answer to his call. He decided to just catch her at home later, and headed back to work.

~*~

Elliot returned home later that evening anxious to see his wife and daughter. He had called her several times throughout the day, but had not received an answer to any of his calls. He walked into the living room to find Lizzie eating a bowl of cereal on the couch. She momentarily tore her eyes away from the reality TV show she was watching to greet her father.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey. How was your day?”

“Fine…I talked to Dickie. He said to tell you he’s sorry. He really wants to come home.”

“Lizzie, don’t even start.”

“Can you at least talk to him Dad? He feels guilty for what happened and he really is sorry.”

“I… Where’s Olivia and Kayla?”

Lizzie stared at her father in disbelief. “So that’s how it is? You ship him off to make Mommy Dearest and your little Princess happy.”

Elliot’s immediate reaction was to yell and chastise the young girl, but thought better of it. He paused and decided to use a different tactic. “You know, I used to call you Princess. I called Maureen and Kathleen Princess, too. Is Kayla not my daughter, too? Does she not deserve the same treatment that I gave you and your sisters when you were younger? Does she not have the same eyes as mine, as yours, and your sisters?”

“Dad…”

“You expect me to abandon her for your mother and your own selfish interests, but I’m the bad guy? I won’t stop being her father. She’s my child just as much as you are, and if it were you or any of your siblings in her place I would still do the same things I’ve done.”

“But Dad, if Mommy-”

“And enough with the Mommy Dearest crap! Olivia is my wife, and your stepmother. From here on out you need to respect her. No if, ands, or buts about it. Even when I’m not around. I trusted that you would obey me in my absence because I thought better of you. I thought you were raised better than that.” Lizzie stared at him guiltily. “If you can’t obey my rules, then you can go join your brother.”

“Great. So you can’t control me, so you’re going to let a drill sergeant do what you can’t. Are you going to do the same the next time Maureen goes out with some guy you don’t like. Or if Katie gets another DUI. Some father,” she said.

“You know what? Those two are old enough to make their own decisions, no matter what I like, but I will fight like hell to protect each and every one of you, even if it means protecting you from yourself. It’s why I put my job on the line to make Kathleen’s DUI go away. It’s why Dickie is where he is now, and if I find that I can’t be the parent you need me to be or that I’m failing at my job then you’re damn right I will send your ass there too!!! I’d rather have someone else, what was it? Do what I can’t, than let you grow up to be a shitty ass person because I couldn’t let my pride go and be the parent you need me to be.”

Lizzie stared back in shock. “I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean all that and I know I messed up, and I’m sorry, but I feel like you’re being too hard on Dickie, and I feel like she’s the reason.”

“Elizabeth, I warned Dickie before he came here that he was on thin ice. I told him that if he didn’t straighten up, he would go to boot camp and then military school, just like he is now. He ignored me. He became a danger to himself and to others in this house. We might lose custody of Kayla because of all this. Lucky for him his stint in boot camp and a good defense attorney is what’s keeping him out of jail right now. Had I been around a bit more I would have known everything that he was doing before any of this happened and he would still be where he is now.”

“Had you been around a bit more he wouldn’t be where he is now, you’re the reason he’s like this.” she replied back softly.

“I know…and that’s why I haven’t talked to him yet, because its my fault he’s there and I still don’t know what to say to him. I failed him as a father, because I wasn’t there when he needed me most,” he admitted softly. “I talked to his C.O, and he’s ok. He’s not happy, but he’s ok. I’m going to call him tomorrow, but I don’t see him coming back here anytime soon. Now, have you seen Olivia?”

“No. I haven’t seen her.”

“Thanks.” Elliot looked at the bowl in her hand. “Tell me that bowl of sugar isn’t what you had for dinner.”

Lizzie chuckled. “Well, I ran out of Ramen.”

“Order us something for dinner,” Elliot told her as he headed up the stairs.

“What do you want?”

“I don’t care. Get what you want, just make sure its something healthy or has vegetables in it, or something.”

“K, Dad?”

Elliot paused halfway up the steps. “Yea?”

“Tell Olivia I said I’m sorry.”

“You can tell her yourself when you see her,” Elliot replied before he dashed into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He used his cell phone and quickly dialed Olivia’s number. It rang, but there was no answer on the other side. When her voicemail came on he hung up and tried again.

“What,” her monotone voice answered on his third try.

“Where are you?”

“I’m at Casey’s.”

“What are you doing there?”

“I can’t bring my daughter back into an unsafe environment.”

“Unsafe. Liv, it’s only me and Lizzie here. I sent Dickie to boot camp and cleaned out his room. It’s safe, Liv. Please, just come home.”

“I can’t,” she answered softly.

“Olivia…are you,” he paused and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Are you leaving me?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, and he could hear the tears in her voice.

“Olivia, please. Just come home so that we can talk about this. Let’s just talk.”

“Not now. I need some time. Right now my focus needs to be Kayla, and I need to think about this and figure out what I’m feeling, what I want, and what’s best for her.”

“What’s best for her is for her to be at home in her own bed with her mother and father right down the hall. What’s best for her is for us to remain a family.”

“I don’t know… I don’t know, Elliot. I’m not so sure us being together is right for her… or me.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that Olivia! Please just, just come home, and we’ll talk.”

“Look I gotta go. Just…give me some time.”

“Liv…”

“Goodnight Elliot.”

She hung up before he could tell her he loved her.

~*~

Elliot watched as Casey came out the court room and hurried to meet her.

“Casey!” he called.

She turned and smiled sympathetically at him. “Hey, Elliot.”

Elliot came to stand in front of her. “How are they?”

“About as well as could be expected I guess.”

Elliot stared at her quizzically.“You guess? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Olivia is stressed and tired. Kayla doesn’t sleep through the night and she cries half of the time, and is picky and fussy the other half. She tries her best, but I can tell Kayla is starting to drive her crazy.”

“Well, is everything ok? Maybe it’s one of the side effects of the drugs or something.”

“Yea, Olivia’s been to the follow up, and he said it could just be the trauma of everything along with a few side effects.”

“Well, do you know if she needs anything? Maybe I can bring something by-”

“Elliot…please. She asked you for some time.”

“It’s been two weeks! How much time does she need? I haven’t heard from her or seen my daughter in that time. She won’t return my calls or respond to any of my emails or texts. Now, I’ve been patient, but she’s gotta at least try to meet me half way here.”

“I understand that, but honestly, El, she’s just been so busy with Kayla I really don’t think she’s had the time to deal with… you.”

“I get it, but how long am I supposed to just sit here and wait around for her with my thumbs up my ass!

“However long it takes! This is your marriage you’re talking about here. If she needs a month, a year, whatever. You wait for her. If you love her like you say you do then you will wait for her. Remember this is a situation that you created. You have to wait for her to figure out what it is she wants to do.”

“I know. I just… I just don’t like not knowing.” He took a second and pinched the upper bridge of his nose. “Look, just tell her…tell her to call me.”

“Ok.”

“And that I love her.”

“Sure. Look, Elliot this will work itself out. It has to.”

He wanted to believe she was right. So he did.

~*~

Elliot came home to his quiet house. He could hear the TV upstairs, indicating that Lizzie was, in fact, home. Kathy had brought over Lizzie’s TV from her house and Lizzie had taken to using that. Elliot decided to take this time to call Olivia.

This is Detective Olivia Benson. If you have an emergency please hang up and call 9-1-1 now. Otherwise leave your name and number, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I get a chance.

Yea right Elliot thought to himself.

“Hey Liv…”

And so began Elliot’s daily mantra. Every day he called her and told her about his day. How things were at work. Musings or coincidences that had come to mind throughout the course of the day. New jokes he had heard-whatever he could think of that he thought was interesting.

“…He’s spending the night in a cell, but I’m hoping it’ll make him up and flip on whoever he’s covering for. My gut feeling is he didn’t do it, but he knows who did...” He sighed. “Olivia I miss you and Kayla. I love you. Please just…come home. I want to see you. Or at least talk to me. I just want to work this out. I can’t lose you. Please, Liv. I love you.”

~*~

Casey let herself into her apartment and was surprised to find the place quiet and clean. Normally the place was filled with Kayla’s cries or screams and various toys strewn around the room, or the TV blaring with some kids program or another. Casey kicked off her pumps and walked further into her apartment to find Olivia on the couch, folding up some laundry.

“Hey,” she said by way of greeting.

“Hey,” Olivia responded. “There’s some stir fry on the stove.”

“Thanks,” Casey replied took a seat on the other side of the couch. “Where’s Kayla?”

“I put her down for a nap.”

“This late? Doesn’t that mean she’s going to be up all n-”

“I know Casey! I know. But I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was beginning to lose my mind. At least this way I can get a little bit of peace. At least for an hour or so.”

Casey nodded knowingly. “Elliot asked me about you…again.”

“Casey, please…”

“Look, I can’t take this anymore.”

Olivia looked up at her, shocked. “I know… I know I’m sorry. This is all just too much. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be a burden to you.”

“What?”

“I’ll go pack our things. We can stay somewhere else.”

“Olivia, no.”

“We’ll go stay in a hotel or something,” Olivia stood up with the laundry basket on her hip.

Casey reached up and pulled her back down by her T-shirt. “Sit down. That’s not what I meant. Look, since you’ve been here I’ve gained at least 5lbs with all that great food you’ve been cooking and I’ve never had so much clean underwear in my life.” Olivia smirked. “I understand what you are going through and I’m here for you.” Olivia nodded. “What I meant is that I can’t continue to be your go between with you and Elliot. You need to talk to him.”

“I have nothing to say to him right now,” Olivia replied stubbornly.

“Olivia he’s your husband, and he loves you. He misses you.”

“And? What is that going to fix?! I don’t even know where to begin with him.”

“Then let someone help you. Go to marriage counseling or something.”

That caused Olivia to laugh out loud. “Counseling? Elliot will never go to counseling.”

“He will for you. At this point he’ll do just about anything to get you guys back. Look, I know you love him. You think I don’t know you sit there and listen to all those messages he leaves you every day? I’ve seen you sit there and smile like a little school girl and even laugh while listening to those messages. This is your marriage. Are you sure you’re ready to give that up?” Casey looked at her for a response, but Olivia suddenly found her fingernails particularly interesting. “Look, I’m going to go shower and eat. Maybe you should take this time to talk to him. Pick up the phone and call him.” With that she got up and made her way to her bedroom.

Olivia sat there quietly staring at her cell phone on the coffee table in front of her. She picked it up, turned it on, and dialed her voicemail. She smiled when she heard his voice come through the phone.


	11. Chapter 11

Elliot heard the doorbell ring and went to answer the door. He looked through the peep hole and was surprised by the face he saw. He pulled the door open with a friendly smile on his face.

“Kathy.”

Kathy smiled back. “Elliot.”

Elliot stepped back to allow his ex-wife into his home. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Your daughter sent out an SOS for some real food. I never thought I’d see the day where one of our kids was tired of junk food. So I cooked something and brought it over,” she replied, holding up a cloth bag that held the proffered goods.

“Oh. Well, she’s taking a nap now, but you can go up and see her.”

“Oh, I’ll let her sleep a bit more. She sounded tired when she called, had a long day at school and then was out with her new friends after,” Kathy said as she eyed the décor in Elliot’s new home. “You know I made enough for both of you, want me to dish you out a plate?”

“Ah sure. What did you make?”

“Lasagna. Figured I’d just make something she could heat up and eat for a few days. Kitchen?”

“Around the corner.”

Kathy disappeared into the kitchen and Elliot took a seat on the couch. He turned on the TV and flipped to ESPN. Kathy returned a short time later with a plate full of lasagna, salad, and garlic bread. She handed it to him and took a seat beside him on the couch.

“Thanks. You found all this in my kitchen?”

“Of course not. I brought all that with me.” Elliot nodded. “I talked to Dickie today.”

“Yea?”

“Yea. He’ says he’s doing very well. Wants to come home.”

“I talked to his C.O. He’s not ready yet.”

“El…”

“He’s not. Ready,” he replied, looking at her poignantly.

Kathy nodded in understanding. “So, have you talked to Olivia yet?

“No,” Elliot replied around a large bite of food.

“She’s still upset, huh?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

“Of course, I’m upset with both of them, and I expressed that to them. I raised them better. I grounded Lizzie a couple days ago. It’s up to you when she can be off punishment.”

“’K.”

“Have you talked to her? You know she never took the divorce well, and I think part of her still wants us to get back together.”

“Yea, but that’s not going to happen.”

“Yea, but she’s your daughter El, and she’s hurting too.”

“I’ve talked to her yesterday, and she understands some things now. We’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, and hopefully that will help her deal more. I’m trying to be more attentive to my family now.”

“So what about Olivia? Are you guys going to stay married?

“I don’t know.”

“Well she can’t let this ruin everything.”

“It goes a lot deeper than just…the incident. Look, I don’t want to talk about it,” Elliot took a large bite of lasagna and salad and filled the remaining space in his mouth with a piece of garlic bread.

“You know, it’s not your fault.”

“Kathy,” Elliot said with warning in his tone.

Kathy delicately turned his face towards hers. “You’re a good man, Elliot. Yes, you made a mistake, but you’re only human.”

Elliot shook off her touch and placed his empty plate on the coffee table and stared intently at the TV in front of him. “Please. I dropped those kids off on her and expected her to raise them for me, the same way I did to you. If I was around more, none of this would have happened.”

“Yea, you should have been around more, but this is still not your fault. Lizzie and Dickie are both old enough to know better, and be held responsible for their actions. This isn’t all your fault.”

“Tell that to my wife,” he replied as he continued to stare at the images in front of him.

Kathy picked up the remote and turned it off then turned his face back towards hers. “If she lets you go because of this she is a fool, and doesn’t realize how lucky she is to have you.”

“Lucky like you were, huh?” he replied sarcastically.

“Yea,” she nodded with tearful eyes. “Lucky like I was.”

Elliot stared at his ex-wife and found himself entranced by the blue of her eyes. So familiar and full of kindness, almost like a distant memory. Kathy stared back and her eyes dropped to his mouth. She leaned in tentatively, but hesitated just short of touching his lips with hers. She looked up at him and when he didn’t move she brushed her lips softly against his. When he failed to move again she pressed her lips firmly against his and swiped her tongue against them, tasting the small remnants of marinara left behind.

His heart ached for the contact. The touch. The love. He was so lonely. His lips parted and his tongue came out to meet hers. His hand rose and cradled her head as he deepened the kiss. Kathy surrounded him with her arms and made love to his mouth with her own and relished in the feel of being back in her husband’s arms. She leaned back and tugged him along to follow her down. As Elliot began to lean over his ex-wife, something caught his eye. He looked up and froze, seeing her standing the doorway.

“Liv.”

He hadn’t heard when the key had entered the door. He hadn’t heard the door open or close. He hadn’t heard her heels clicking against the hard wood floor. So he hadn’t known she was there watching him put the final nail into the coffin of their marriage. Now, standing there with tear stained cheeks, was his wife. She darted for the stairs and he quickly followed her.

“Olivia. Olivia! It’s not what you think!!!” He made it to their bedroom and found her searching through their walk-in closet. She emerged with a large NYPD duffle bag and began shoving clothes from her drawer in there. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” she growled. She tossed the bag on the bed and walked around their bedroom and bathroom, collecting various items.

Elliot panicked. She was walking out on him and he had no clue how to stop her. “It’s not what it looks like!”

“Really? Because it looked like you were about to fuck your ex-wife on my couch. So explain to me what it was?” She stopped and looked at him poignantly.

Once again Elliot found himself without the proper words to say. Olivia shook her head and walked past him. She marched her way down the hall to their daughter’s room and Elliot followed quickly behind her. Lizzie emerged from her bedroom in a sleepy haze, confused by all of the commotion that had been coming from outside her bedroom. Olivia quickly began taking various items of their daughter’s things and stuffed them into the bag as well.

“Olivia please,” he begged. “Let’s just talk about this.”

“I’m not discussing this with you.”

She grabbed a few last items and shoved them into the bag before zipping it up. She moved to walk past Elliot once again, but he caught her arm. “Liv, please don’t-” he was silenced by the slap to his face. The stinging sensation brought a tear to his eye and he let it fall unchecked. Her body hummed with rage as she panted heavily and tears flowed freely from her eyes. Elliot stared deep into her eyes and he could see the anger, but what he mostly saw was pain. Pain that he had caused her. She snatched her arm out of his and walked out of the room and nearly tripped over Kathy Stabler.

“Olivia,” she tried. Before she had a chance to speak again, Olivia’s fist collided with her face knocking her out cold.

“MOM!” Lizzie screamed, rushing to her mother’s aid.

“Bitch,” Olivia said, shaking the pain from her hand. She pulled off her wedding ring and dropped it on her unconscious form. “You can have him. I don’t want the cheating bastard anymore,” she locked eyes with Elliot one last time. “Expect papers from my divorce attorney,” she said as a parting shot before heading on her way.

~*~

Elliot stood around long enough to make sure Kathy was ok, and to direct Lizzie on what to do. He sped across town to Casey’s apartment. He arrived at Casey’s apartment and began pounding on the door. She opened it and he pushed his way in.

“Please, Elliot, come in,” Casey mumbled to herself.

“Where is she?” Elliot asked, looking around the apartment for Olivia.

“I don’t know,” Casey replied, crossing her arms defensively across her chest.

“Bullshit! You know where she went. Where is she?”

“Elliot, I’m sorry. But I’m not telling you where she is.”

“Casey this is my marriage we’re talking about here! I need you to help me.”

“Help you?!? I did help you! Who the hell do you think convinced her to go over there? And then not an hour later my best friend came back here a blubbering mess. Do you know what it took to go over there and talk to you? Why did you ask me to talk to her if you were planning on going back to your ex-wife?”

“I wasn’t planning on anything. Look, what happened tonight just happened. I made a mistake. A huge mistake. Now I need you to help me fix it.”

“No. You want her, find her yourself. I’m not going to help you hurt her anymore. I’m sorry, but I can’t,” Casey shook her head.

“You’re hurting her right now! Do you know how much this marriage means to her?”

“Yes!!! I found out when I watched a broken woman come into my apartment so distraught that she couldn’t even hide her tears in front of her 2 year old daughter. For years now I’ve talked to her and convinced her, time and time again, to give you another chance. To take you back. To keep working at it. Only to see her wind up heartbroken almost every single time. I believed in you. I thought you were good for her I thought you guys were meant to be. I thought…” Casey shook her head. “I’m sorry Elliot, but as her best friend I can’t help you. I’m choosing to take a side and I’m taking hers on this one. Now, I would appreciate it if you would please leave my apartment.” Casey went over and pulled open the door for him.

Elliot conceded defeat, but refused to remain defeated.

~*~

Two days and nothing. He had checked all her cards, her phone records, anything he could find and use to track her down, but he always came out with nothing. She withdrew some cash before leaving town, but that was about it. He knew it wouldn’t have been that easy. She would know how to stay under the radar. He had no other leads but he couldn’t give up. He would never give up.

Elliot stared blankly at his computer screen and sighed.

“Where are you, Liv?”


	12. Chapter 12

7 Days.

That was how long it took him to find her. On the 6th day she had used her American Express and he had her general location. Some research yielded an exact address. It turned out that Casey’s parents owned a summer home, which lead him to the Hamptons. Elliot pulled into the driveway and admired the bungalow-styled beachfront home. A soft breeze passed by him and he inhaled the salty sweet air. He walked towards the front when a soft gentle sound pulled him elsewhere. He followed the sweet melody and recognized it immediately. He didn’t know that Olivia had a beautiful voice until they had moved in together. He had caught her one night when Kayla couldn’t sleep. She had sung a simple lullaby he had never heard before and he had simply stood by the door and listened and couldn’t believe how amazing woman he had married was. He watched her now with their daughter on her lap as they swung gently on the porch swing and listened as she sang her song.

“You’re late,” she said, without removing her eyes from the gentle sunset over the cool sea waters.

Elliot startled out of his reverie. “I didn’t know you were expecting me,” Elliot replied, walking over and sitting on the other side of her.

“I swiped that credit card yesterday afternoon. I expected you here hours ago.”

“I got stuck in traffic.” He looked at their daughter. She sat in her mother’s lap with her thumb in her mouth and her blue eyes peeking out at him. He hadn’t seen her for weeks now. The last time he did she had had an IV in her hand. “Hey princess, you wanna come to Daddy?” Elliot asked while reaching out for her. The little girl let out a whimper and curled even further into her mother’s side. “So you’ve programmed her against me?”

Olivia eyed him menacingly. “Why are you here?”

“I thought you were expecting me.”

“I knew you would come, that doesn’t mean I want you here. I came here to get away from you.”

“And I came to bring you back. We’ve been through so much. Too much to just let it end like this.”

Olivia shook her head and allowed her tears to fall unchecked. “I’m not so sure that that’s necessarily true.”

Elliot didn’t know what to say to that. He’d never seen her like this. She had always been a fighter, and it seemed as if she had given up on them. He was on shaky ground and knew he had to choose his words carefully, so he decided not to say anything at all. They sat silently and watched the sun set, and he used that time to take her in. She was thinner and the circles under her eyes attested to her exhaustion. When dusk had turned into night she had gotten up and walked into the house. He followed behind her and watched as she carefully tucked Kayla in and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“I’m tired and I’m going to bed. There’s another room on the other side of the house.”

With that she closed the door and left Elliot to his own devices. He went back out to the car and grabbed his duffle bag, and then made sure the house was secure before he found a spare bedroom to make his own. He showered and changed into some shorts, and then went to lie down on the cool sheets. He stared up at the ceiling and listened to the waves in a room illuminated by the moon light. He had to get her to come back to him. He could not fail, because across the house lay his heart. He couldn’t give up on it even if it had given up on him. There was no replacing it.

And as Elliot lay in one room desperately trying to hold on, Olivia lay in another, desperately trying to let go. 

~*~

Elliot woke up the next morning to the bright sunlight streaming through his window. The smell of the sea invigorated him and he got out of bed and freshened up before heading out into the living room. The house was quiet, too quiet. Then he heard it, the light, beautiful sound of his daughter’s infectious laughter. He made his way to the sliding glass door and opened it. He looked out and saw his wife stooped down beside Kayla as she helped the young girl place sea shells on her sand castle. A man approached the pair and Olivia stood to greet him. He wore a pair of surfer trunks and had dark hair with the body of swimmer. Elliot watched her carefully. Her black stringed bikini was cinched together with gold rivets while her sheer white cover up protected her modesty. He could still tell she had lost weight. He knew every inch of her body inside and out, and could easily see her more slender physique, no doubt due to the stress. He could see her face light up as she stood and hugged the man. Elliot’s fists clenched. He quickly changed into his swimming trunks and went to meet them.

“Olivia,” he said by way of greeting.

She eyed him skeptically. “Elliot.”

Elliot turned to the man standing beside her and met his kind green eyes with his blue. “I’m Elliot, Olivia’s husband,” he said while holding out his hand for the man to shake.

Olivia rolled her eyes. “Elliot this is Peter,” Peter shook hands with Elliot and the three stood there awkwardly.

“Mommy, yook!”

Olivia’s attention immediately shifted to Kayla and smiled. “Wow Buggy, that’s a great sand castle! It’s beautiful!!”

“Tank yous,” Kayla replied shyly as she continued to pat down her work of art.

“Hey sweetheart, why don’t we go in the water,” Elliot suggested to his daughter.

“No!” Kayla replied immediately and clung onto her mother.

Elliot stooped down to the little girl’s level, “Really baby? You don’t want to come with Daddy?” Kayla simply buried her face into her mother’s leg. Elliot looked to Olivia for help and she sighed and stooped down. She whispered something in the little girl’s ear and Kayla turned to look at Elliot. Elliot held out his hand for her to take and she looked back to her mother for confirmation. Olivia simply raised her eyebrows and Kayla turned back to her father and put her hand in his. The two walked hand and hand towards the ocean until Elliot picked her up and held her in his arms. It had been too long since she’d been there.

~*~

They had spent the day together on the beach. After Olivia had finished talking with her new male friend she had joined them in the water. Elliot had watched the man as he talked to his wife, and saw how Peter looked at her. Like he wanted her. Elliot knew he was vying for his wife’s affection and Elliot also knew that he would do anything in his power to make sure that he never attained it. Ever. He had admired her tanned skin against the contrast of the black and gold. Her body was flawless and he loved how sexy she looked. Around lunch she had gone into the house and brought them back sandwiches, chips, and juice. They had a picnic right there on the beach and Elliot realized that this was the closest thing they had ever had to a family vacation. They had spent their honeymoon on the beautiful island of Jamaica, but Kayla hadn’t been in attendance. Elliot made a promise to himself that if they ever made it through this, they would go on a family vacation at least every other year.

The sun began to set and they headed back in to the house. They showered and came back out into the living room. Olivia put on Mulan for Kayla to watch while she began to prepare dinner.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Elliot asked as he entered into the kitchen.

Olivia closed the fridge and moved over towards the cupboards, “I’m not exactly sure…” she closed the cupboards and turned to face him. “I was thinking maybe we could either do steaks or burgers and I can whip up some macaroni salad to go along with it.”

“Alright, how ‘bout we do burgers tonight and save the steaks for another night.”

“Kay, I’ll make some of the macaroni into mac and cheese for Kayla. Maybe you can put on a hot dog for her?”

“Why can’t she eat what we’re eating?”

“She’s a picky eater and I’d rather not fight with her today,” Olivia replied, reaching into the freezer for the burgers and hot dogs.

“Olivia, you can’t let her have her own way all the time, otherwise she’s going to grow up thinking she can walk all over you. At home she always a-”

“Elliot!” she yelled slamming the frozen meat on the counter. “Today has been the first good day we’ve had since all this shit happened. I have fought with her about eating every goddamn day since she got out of the hospital and I’m not in the mood to do it today. She likes mac and cheese so I know she will eat it. Now either light the fucking grill or get the hell out of my way so I can do myself.”

Elliot nodded silently and picked up the meat and headed over to the grill. He turned on the propane and started the fire then placed the patties and a single hot dog over it. He looked up from the grill and saw Olivia stirring a pot over the stove. Kayla was engrossed in the movie. He looked at the front door and saw Peter headed towards the porch through the glass window panes that surrounded the door. He quickly closed the lid on the grill and headed towards the front door, opening it before the man could ring the door bell. He stepped onto the front porch, forcing the other man to take a step backwards.

“Can I help you?” Elliot asked as he crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

“Yea, is Olivia home? I came by to talk to her.”

“Yea she’s home, but she’s busy.”

“Ok, I’ll come back at some other time.”

“No. You won’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“Look, I know what you’re intentions are, and its not going to happen. Olivia and I are trying to work things out.”

Peter’s green eyes eyed him skeptically. “Does Olivia know that? Hell, does she even know you’re out here? I don’t think she does, because I know if she did she’d be pretty upset.”

“Please. You just met her, you don’t know anything about my wife.”

“But, I do. I know her mother named her with the hope that she would bring her peace. That she would be a strong woman that made wise decisions. I know her favorite color is purple, preferably lavender, but she lets you believe its blue, because you never seem to listen or remember otherwise. I know she was emancipated and engaged at the age of 16. I know she’s a cop. I know she chose your daughter’s name because the meaning told how special she was to her and reflected how she viewed the world. I know …”

Elliot stood there in shock as he listened to this perfect stranger rattle off things about his wife that he had known for years, but also things that he never knew in all the years he’d known her. With each simple fact he felt his blood pressure rise just a bit more, because this little pissant knew things about her, that she had never told him in the ten plus years that he knew her.

Peter grinned menacingly, knowing he had gotten to Elliot and decided to drive the knife in a little deeper. “I know her lip gloss tastes like watermelon. I know your wife moans deep in her throat when you kiss her just right. I know she likes to be kissed on her neck, especially that little spot just below her ear…”

Elliot’s chest rose and fell with his furry. He uncrossed his arms and his fists clenched.

“Yea, I know a lot about your wife,” Peter smirked, turned, and took a step before deciding he wasn’t quite finished. “Oh yea, one more thing,” Peter moved close to Elliot and whispered in his ear, “I know your wife, is beautiful when she comes.”

Elliot blacked out and wasn’t quite sure what had happened. He didn’t hear his baby girl screaming and crying in fear. Or Olivia shouting at him to stop. He saw and heard nothing, he simply reacted. The next thing he knew Olivia had shoved him and stood between him and Peter. Peter now had a bloody nose and a cut above his right eye. Kayla was still crying and Olivia was livid.

“Peter, I think you should go,”

“Olivia,” he tried.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

Peter nodded and headed on his way. She picked up Kayla and headed into the house. Elliot followed her inside and watched as she soothed Kayla and then left her to watch her movie. Elliot then followed Olivia into the kitchen.

“Did you sleep with him?” Elliot asked softly. Olivia ignored the question and went to the grill and removed the charred food then returned to the kitchen. “Did you sleep with him,” he tried again after thinking she may not have heard him the first time. He sat at one of the bar stools and watched as she went through the motions of making him an ice pack. “Did you sleep with him?” he asked again more forcefully. She filled a dishtowel with some ice and folded it up together. She walked over to him and shoved it forcefully over his quickly darkening eye. She held the icepack in place and inspected the rest of his face. Elliot took the wrist of the hand that held the ice pack and pulled it away. “Did you sleep with him?” he asked simply.

Olivia sighed and dropped the ice pack on the counter. “Yes,” she replied quietly.

“So you decided to get back at me by cheating? You know, two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“I didn’t cheat.”

“Really, because the last time I checked, you and I were still married!”

“And as far as I’m concerned we’re done. I told you I was filing for divorce which means I’m free to do whatever I want.”

“Really? That’s how you’re going to play this?”

“I’m not playing at anything Elliot. I’m trying to take my life back and move on to someone else that will respect me and love me an- an- and make me happy! I’m also not arguing with you anymore, because frankly there’s nothing left for us to argue about. You and I are done.”

“Don’t…” Elliot held back the tears in his eyes. “Don’t let it end like this, please. I love you so much,” he whispered. “We’re better than this. We can fix this.”

“Elliot, I don’t think this is something that I want to fix.”

Elliot nodded and stood. He grabbed his makeshift icepack and headed out the door. He walked on the beach and sat, reflecting on his marriage for a few hours. He returned to find all the lights off except for the kitchen light. His dinner rested on the counter. He by passed it and headed into his wife’s bedroom. She slept, curled around their daughter and Elliot simply watched them. He went over to the empty side of the bed to lay there for a while. He kissed his daughter goodbye then turned to his wife. He took her hand and slid her wedding ring back into place. He placed a gentle lingering kiss on her lips and whispered goodbye before packing up his things and heading home.

Olivia listened as his car rumbled to life and allowed her tears fall unchecked into her daughter’s hair.


	13. Chapter 13

Two days later and Elliot hadn’t heard a word from Olivia. He returned home to an empty house every day. Lizzie had finished her summer classes and decided to spend the rest of her time in Queens with her mother until school started. Elliot opened the door and disarmed their house alarm. He turned around and was surprised when he heard the squeals of his baby girl as she ran towards him.

“Daddy!” she exclaimed and Elliot swooped her up into his arms.

He hugged her tight and she squeezed him back, and he promised that he would never take her love for granted again. “Where’s Mommy?”

“Kitchen!” she exclaimed and pointed towards the kitchen. 

Elliot headed into the kitchen and found Olivia at the sink washing dishes. He slipped his free arm around her waist and pulled her into his embrace. He kissed her cheek. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

Olivia pulled out of his arms. “You’re dinner is in the microwave.”

“K. I’ll eat after I put the munchkin to bed.”

Olivia nodded. “We need to talk.”

“Sure,” Elliot nodded. “Anything you want. Later tonight?”

“Yea.”

“Daddy,” Kayla said tapping her father’s shoulder.

“Yes, Princess?” Elliot replied, giving her his full attention.

“Thursty.”

“Ok. Daddy will get you something to drink.”

“She has a sippy cup in there with some milk. You can give her that. It’s too late for juice.”

“Ok,” Elliot replied as he headed towards the fridge.

“I’m going to go shower, so…”

“Alright. See you in a bit.”

~*~

Elliot tucked Kayla into bed and kissed her cheek good night. “I love you,” he whispered over her sleeping form.

He turned off the lights and closed the door behind him. He headed down the hall to his bed room and found Olivia sitting on their bed Indian style. He walked over and sat down beside her.

“El-”

“Liv-“

They started at the same time. Elliot chuckled. “Let me go first.”

“Elliot-”

“Please,” he said taking her hand in his. “Just let me say what I have to say and then the floor is all yours.” Olivia nodded. “I love you. I love you so much and I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for everything I put you through everything I’ve done, and I know I’ve made some mistakes, but I’m so glad that you’re here, and that you’ve given me yet another chance to make things right. And-”

“Elliot. Stop.” Elliot froze and looked at her. She pulled her hand away from his and reached under the pillow and pulled out a manila envelope. “I need you to sign these,” she placed them in his hand and Elliot stared at them in shock. “I’m going to maintain primary custody of Kayla, but you can come and see her anytime you want. I’m not going to keep her from you or vice versa. You’re her father and she…” her voice hitched. “She adores you. I won’t make this any harder on her than it has to be. We can switch off on Holidays, and decide amicably who she spends her time with. I just don’t want to take this to court. We’ll split everything else down the middle. You keep your car I keep mine. We spit what’s in the joint account and keep what’s in our separate accounts, but I’m taking the house. It’s in my name because of your credit and we used the money I had from selling my mother’s apartment and what I had from her life insurance policy to buy it. So I think it’s only fair that I keep it. You have until the end of August to find a new place. There’s still a lease on my old apartment otherwise I would offer you that.” She looked at him, and he couldn’t stop looking at the envelope that now sat in his lap. “Elliot?”

Elliot had barely heard anything she said after she handed him the papers. He couldn’t stop looking at them. He finally looked her in the eye. “How can you be so nonchalant about this? You act like you don’t even care!”

“Did you? Did you care about me or your daughter when you were out drinking with the guys? When you were putting your children ahead of us? When you were fucking someone else in our home? Did you fucking care then?!”

Elliot felt himself fill with rage. “I’m not signing this! I’m not giving up on this marriage.”

“What marriage?! You’re cheating on me and I’ve already started seeing other people. This sham of a marriage is over, so please, just… sign the papers.”

“No,” he replied. He stood and tossed the papers on the floor.

She picked them up and stood toe to toe with him and placed them back in his hand. “Please. Just let me go. So I can find someone who will love me,” she said with tears in her eyes. “You can go back to Kathy. Work it out with her.”

“I don’t want her. I want you Liv. It’s always been you.”

“Yea, then why have you gone back to her twice now?”

“I never slept with her that night. You have to believe me.”

“I do, but I don’t believe that if I didn’t show up when I did you wouldn’t have.”

“That’s not true. That’s not true!” he shook his head. His eyes became bright with unshed tears. “I love you. I love you so much. Please,” he begged as his tears flowed from his eyes.

Olivia allowed her tears to fall unchecked from her eyes. “If you love me. If you really truly love me much as you do-”

He took both of her hands in his. “I do. Oh, I do Liv. So, much. So much,” he said as he kissed her fingers.

“Then you’ll let me go,” she finished softly. She pulled both of her hands from his, pulled off her engagement ring and placed it in his palm.

“No. This is your ring. I gave it to you on our wedding day. It’s yours.”

Tears filled her eyes once again. “I can’t take your grandmother’s ring.”

He held the ring tight in his hand. “Olivia, I love you.”

“No. Stop saying that. Just stop!” she exclaimed, frustrated at how carelessly he seemed to use that word. “You don’t. You don’t love me, because if you did, we wouldn’t be here right now.” He stared at her, with his own tears in his eyes, heartbroken because his wife didn’t understand how much he loved her and he didn’t know what to say to make her stay. He had fucked up. He knew that. She had given him chance after chance to make things right, and he had thrown each one back in her face. She swiped away her tears and turned her back on him. “There’s some sheets right there and a pillow. You can sleep on the couch or in one of the kids’ beds.”

He nodded and picked up his sheets and headed out the door.

~*~

It took him four days to sign the papers. It had been the hardest thing he ever had to do. He wanted to hold out longer but he realized that he loved her too much to ask her to stay in a relationship where she wasn’t happy, even if it meant that they were no longer together. He was tired of hurting her. Tired of seeing her cry. He knew he had to let her go, for her, not for him. He had left them on her bed that morning along with the ring before he took off for work and called his realtor 15 minutes later. Whether or not she had wanted the ring, it was hers. It was meant to be hers. He’d had it engraved for her, and when he’d slipped it on her perfectly manicured finger on that magical day it became hers. He had no plans to give it to any other woman and he didn’t want to carry around another reminder of yet another failed marriage. It meant something to him, when he had made it hers. Now that she no longer wanted it, it meant nothing to him.

He stepped into the quiet brownstone he once called home and headed straight for the kitchen after resetting the alarm. He grabbed a beer and made his way to the living room to watch some TV.

He woke up to some infomercial on the latest kitchen device and was about to turn it off when he heard a strange sound. He turned it down lower and could hear the faint sound of someone crying. He followed the noise to the dining room and watched as his soon to be ex-wife swiped away her tears. Her wedding ring sat on the papers in front of her. She downed the vodka that was left in her cup and used a shaky hand to refill it. After she took another sip she picked up the pen and stared down at the papers in front of her. She let out a ragged sob and Elliot moved closer to her. She pressed down on the paper and her hand shook again. She felt Elliot’s warm hand circle around hers and startled.

“Don’t do this,” He whispered.

“No,” she shook her head adamantly and tried again.

“Something is clearly stopping you, Olivia. Listen to it. Listen to your heart.”

“But, its broken,” her voice cracked on the devastating word.

“Then we’ll find a way to fix it. Just don’t do it.” Elliot slowly removed the pen from her hands and placed it down on the table. She fell into his arms and he embraced her wholly. He held her tight and thanked God for once again answering his prayers. He pulled her into his arms and carried her upstairs and into their bedroom.

~*~

The next morning Elliot woke up to find Olivia wide awake, staring up at the ceiling.

“Liv?” he asked skeptically, afraid that she may have changed her mind.

“If we’re going to do this, there are going to have to be some ground rules.”

“Such as?”

She finally rolled over to look at him. “I want you to come home after work. No more going out drinking with the guys. I need to know you’re committed to me and our family and to making this work.”

“Ok, what else?”

“Lizzie. If she is going to live with us, then she is going to have to respect me. School or no school, I’m not going to put up with the same bullshit as before. And I’m going to have to have some authority over her. She needs to listen to me, and if she disobeys me I need to have the right ground her. If she can’t deal with that, then she can go back to live with her mother.”

“Done. Is there more?”

“We start counseling. And we continue counseling until I say otherwise.”

“Why until you say otherwise?”

“Because I know you, and once things start going well-if things start going well- you’ll think we don’t need it anymore when we really do, and really I’m just trying to avoid the argument we’ll end up having then.”

“Ok. Anything else?”

“Kathy.”

“What about her?”

“She’s not allowed here.”

“Olivia…she’s Lizzie’s mother. I can’t just…”

“Elliot!” she exclaimed, trying to hold in her anger. “This is our home. You guys already desecrated our couch, so I’m going to have to buy a new one. She came here and disrespected me in my own house. I don’t want her near our daughter and this is her home. I got it for her to grow up in. Not to be terrorized in. I don’t. Want Kathy. Here.”

“I understand, but Olivia-”

“This isn’t. Up. For. Discussion! None of this is. If you want a place where she can visit, then you can move out and get a place where she can, but as far as I’m concerned she isn’t allowed here and, I swear to God, I will take out a restraining order if I have to.”

“Fine, but is this how its going to be? Anytime I disagree with you or do something you don’t want me to do are you going to force me to move out or threaten divorce?”

“No. But we’ve done things your way and look where it’s got us? I think we need to try things my way for a change.”

“Look, Olivia. I’m going to try to make you happy and I’m going to go along with your new ‘rules,’” he air quoted, “but I still have to be true to myself and I have to think about my other four children as well.”

“I understand.”

“So we have an agreement?”

“Yes, I think we do.”


	14. Chapter 14

Session 1

“So, why don’t you two tell me about yourselves?”

Elliot and Olivia sat on opposite sides of the couch and stared quietly at anything but each other or their counselor, Dr. Pekoe. Neither was sure where to begin.

“My name is Elliot, and we are both cops and we were partners for about 6 or 7 years before we started seeing each other after my divorce from my first wife, Kathy who I have four children with. Two of which were living with us at some point. We will have been married a year July 26th. We have a two year old daughter, Kayla…” Elliot counted off the list of facts in his head that he thought were suitable to bring up the first day of counseling. “And I think that’s about it.”

Dr. Pekoe made some notes in her notebook. “Good, and Olivia, why do you think we’re here?”

“Because we need help with our marriage.”

“What kind of help?”

Olivia shrugged.”With communication, I guess.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I feel like it’s the reason why we’re here.”

“Elliot, what do you think?”

“I agree. I don’t think she communicates well.”

Olivia was floored. “I don’t communicate well?!?”

“You stopped talking to me!”

“And you stopped listening!”

“Whoa, guys! You two just screaming at each other is not going to fix this. You need to explain what you mean and express your feelings. Olivia, why don’t you explain your side.”

“I stopped talking to him-”

“Explain it to him,” Dr. Pekoe directed and nodded towards Elliot.

Olivia finally lifted her eyes and met her husband’s. “I stopped talking to you, because I felt that you stopped listening to me. It reached a certain point where I was just like, ‘what’s the point?’”

“Elliot, what do you have to say about that?”

He looked at Olivia, “I never stopped listening to you.”

“So then you started ignoring me.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did!”

“Hold on, Olivia, why don’t you explain to Elliot what you mean?”

“I don’t know how.”

“Try.”

“I don’t think…” The doctor nodded in encouragement. “I don’t think you respect me as your wife.”

“You say that all the time! I don’t understand…” Elliot said, frustrated.

“Olivia,” Dr. Pekoe encouraged.

“When we were partners, you would brush off what I said. You would tell me I didn’t understand because I had never been in a long term relationship, I wasn’t married, I wasn’t a parent, whatever. You would use whatever self righteous excuse you had or could think of to demean or ignore my opinions and how I felt, but now… Now I’m your wife. I’m the mother of your child, and I’m in a long term relationship with you, and its still not enough. I’m still not good enough for you to give me the respect that I deserve.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is true, because if it was, Kayla would have never overdosed.”

The counselor looked at her two patients and suddenly realized, they had a lot to sort through. More than she had expected. Picking up on something from their main topic, Dr. Pekoe continued to probe Olivia to get her to discuss more of her feelings.“Olivia, what else?”

“Well, sometimes he makes me feel inadequate. Like I’m not good enough to be his wife. Especially in regards to his ex-wife.”

“Does he compare you to Kathy?”

“No.”

“Well then, would you care to explain?”

“When he moved his kids in without asking me.”

“Explain to Elliot how that made you feel.”

Brown eyes met blue, “I felt like you didn’t care about my feelings.”

“Olivia, that’s not true.”

“Then why didn’t you ask me?”

“It was a spur of the moment thing. Things had gotten so heated that night and Kathy had mentioned it as well, I just acted on it.”

“When?”

“When what?”

“When did Kathy mention it?”

“That night. Look, I was angry and Dickie was pissing me off, so I decided right then and there. I didn’t give it any thought whatsoever. I just did it.”

“Then why didn’t you send me a text or something? Give me some kind of a heads up?”

“I…didn’t think.”

“Yea, you never seem to think, especially when it comes to me.”

“Olivia…” Elliot tried to reach out to her, but Olivia pulled away from him and pushed further into her corner of the couch.

“Another reason I feel you don’t respect me is because you always take your children’s side over mine.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is.”

“Like when?”

“Like when you bought the Nutrigrain bars after I told you no, because I was afraid Kayla might get into one of them. Or when I asked you to talk to them about them respecting me.”

“Olivia, I did talk to them about that. I can’t help it if they don’t listen when I’m gone.”

“But when I told you they weren’t, you did nothing about it!”

“I did a couple of times, but they told me otherwise, and Olivia, I can’t always take your side!”

“How is it taking sides when I’m telling the truth?!”

“How am I supposed to know that you are?”

“So what? I’m a liar now?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well, you implied it!”

“Look, Olivia, there are two sides to every story. How am I supposed to know that yours is necessarily the truth?”

“Elliot, I’ve always been there for you and your kids, why would I lie?”

“It’s not about lying!!! You don’t fucking understand. I have two families pulling at me, and I’m doing my best to please both sides. Dickie needs me. Lizzie needs me. Kathy needs me. Maureen needs me. Kathleen needs me. Kayla needs me. You need me. My job needs me. Everybody needs me and I can only be stretched so far. If I do what you say, then to them I’m always taking your side. If I don’t, then to you, I’m always taking their side. I’m doing my best. I talk to them when I feel it’s warranted. I bought the fucking Nutrigrain bars because Kayla is two, and won’t get into it unless you give it to her. There was no plausible reason for you to say no.”

Olivia shook her head. “I’m not doing this. I’m not going to sit here and listen to this bull shit. You’re tired of being stretched both ways then fine. You now have one less family to worry about.” She grabbed her purse and made her way to the door.

“You see what I’m saying?” Elliot appealed to their counselor.

“Olivia, come back here and listen. You need to hear his side of things and how he interpreted each situation. This is an obvious issue that you need to talk through.”

“No, because I’m not going to sit here and allow him to play the victim.”

“Olivia, its important that you hear what he’s going through.”

“What he’s going through…ok. But first I’m going to explain what I was going through. I was living in a house with two disgruntled teenagers that didn’t give a shit about me or my daughter. That called me inappropriate names, destroyed my furniture, consistently left messes in my home-including leaving out half eaten snacks that your daughter could get to, which is why I said no to the fucking bars.” She looked at him pointedly. “Let’s see, they ate everything-including the food that they knew I specifically saved for my daughter. They psychologically tortured her and made her afraid to be in her own home, brought drugs in that she took and now I have to deal with DFS just to keep her in my custody. They pushed me to the point where I felt that if being married to you meant living with them, then I needed a divorce! That alone should be proof that I wasn’t fucking lying. You want someone to feel sorry for you? Well I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to find someone who didn’t have to spend 2 months in HELL because of you. You want this to work? Then man up, grow a pair, and control your fucking children. Because I may love you and be willing to make this work, but my name is not Kathy Stabler so I won’t be sitting around for 20 years waiting for you to change. I’m moving on with my life, with or without you!” With that she turned and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

 

~*~

Session 2

“That night…” Elliot shook his head. “Never mind.”

Today they sat on the couch nearly side by side.

“No, what Elliot? Continue,” Dr. Pekoe urged.

“I can’t. I don’t… I don’t know how to talk to her about this. How to tell her.”

“Then this one time, talk to me. Tell me, cause its obvious that this is bothering you very much.”

“One night, we were…we were making love, and she… she freaked out and started crying, and I don’t know. I don’t know what I did wrong. Did I hurt you? I feel like…I feel like I raped you and it makes me sick to my stomach that I may have done that to you. That I put you through that. Is that what I did?”

“Close, but no,” Olivia replied softly.

“Olivia, why don’t you explain to Elliot how you felt that night.”

“I felt used. Like a dirty dish towel you use to wipe the shit off your hands with.” Elliot winced inwardly. “You had a rough day at work and I understand. I do. But you used to talk to me. Then you stopped. You stopped making love to me and you started using me and my body to take out your frustrations and it hurt me, because I thought I deserved better, because I thought I was your wife.”

“You were. You are.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me anymore when things are bothering you?”

“Because you don’t work SVU.”

“But I used to and I understand. I understand that the cases are hard and that they get to you-”

“But I don’t want them to get to you. You left all that behind. I don’t want to bring it back into your life.”

“You can. I’m your wife and I’m here for you. I was in SVU for almost ten years, if I can’t help you through it then who can?”

~*~

Session 3

“Elliot, is there something you would like to bring up this session? Anything that has been bothering you?” Dr. Pekoe asked, noticing his slight agitation as he sat in one corner of the couch, refusing to meet Olivia half way where she sat.

“Yea, I want to talk about Peter.”

Olivia rolled her eyes and sighed. She knew this was coming, but that didn’t mean she wanted to talk about it.

“Who is Peter?”

“Olivia, you want to answer that question?

“Fine. Peter is the man I slept with while I was in the Hamptons.”

“And when did this happen?” Dr. Pekoe asked.

“A few weeks ago,” Olivia supplied.

“Is there a reason why you slept with him?”

“I’d really like to know,” Elliot commented.

Olivia glared at him then rolled her eyes. “Fine. I slept with him because I needed to get laid. My husband wasn’t doing the job and I needed someone who could get me off. There, you happy!? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You slept with him because you caught me cheating with Kathy and you wanted to get back at me.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is true and you know it Olivia!” Elliot stood and walked closer to her. “You sit there and act like you are so fucking perfect. You’re fucking Saint Olivia who never does anything wrong and I’m the schmuck that fucks everything up. I’m here, taking responsibility for my actions, and you’re sitting there blaming me and acting like you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m here cooperating and trying to work everything out, and you need to do the same! What about David- ”

“For the millionth time he’s gay!!!” Olivia said, throwing her hands up in frustration.

“What about the numbers I found in your pocket, and you going out and getting drunk and flirting with those assholes? You think I don’t know about it? You think I don’t have friends that saw you with those guys? Do you know you hurt me? Did you know how I felt when that asswipe told me he had been with you?”

“Well if you didn’t egg him on-”

“That doesn’t excuse it, Olivia!!!”

“Yea, and what’s your excuse?!”

“Nothing! Look, just tell me,” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat to clear the emotion and stared at her with bright eyes. He sat down beside her and looked at her deep in the eyes. “Tell me why you did it?”

Olivia stared at him sympathetically and looked down at her hands. “I did it because I needed somebody who understood. He listened to me. We met on the beach, and he was good to me and he was patient with Kayla. We were talking one night and one thing led to another and… it just happened.” Tears filled her eyes. “He was charming. He was kind. I’m sorry that I hurt you; it was my intention at first. To make you hurt. To make you feel just the way I felt, but then you showed up and I realized that what I did was wrong, and I’m sorry. Things with Peter turned out to be more than just sex. He listened and he understood; he tried to make me happy, and I just…I needed someone to take my pain away, and he wanted the job.” She met his eyes.

Elliot sat and finally listed to her and it scared him when he saw the wistful smile on her face and a new light touch her eyes as she talked about him. He recognized it from the days when they were happy, when they had first fallen in love. It scared him. “You do realize he probably only listened to you so that he could get in your pants,” he contradicted angrily.

“If that’s what you want to believe Elliot, but at least he listened. At least he tried to hear me out. He was there for me, doing something that you refused to do. After it happened I realized my mistake and asked him to keep it quiet. He promised that he would because he didn’t want to hurt me, but you kept pestering him.”

“I didn’t have to pester him very much. How many times did it happen?”

“I met him the first morning I was there, and we slept together the day after and were together every day after that. I’m sorry Elliot, but I didn’t keep count.”

“You were together even after I showed up?”

“Yes.”

“After our fight?”

Olivia avoided his gaze guiltily. “I went to talk to him about the fight and it just happened. He really cared about me, Elliot. He wanted to be with me. He still does, and at that point in time, I wanted to be with him.”

Elliot was off the couch again. “You’re my wife! My wife, Olivia!!!”

“And I was in the process of filing for divorce and you had already moved on. Without even telling me you were done with this marriage, I would like to add. I had every right! A marriage license doesn’t give you possession of me. I don’t belong to you, Elliot!” 

Elliot stared at hear seething mad. His chest heaved with anger and his eyes blazed with furry.

“Elliot, how does that make you feel?” Dr. Pekoe asked the man as he paced around the room and tried to control his anger.

He paused and looked out the window at the slowly setting sun. “It hurts, but…at least I know why she did it, and I know what I can do to keep it from happening again. But why does he know things that I don’t? Why does he know that your favorite color is purple while I spent all this time thinking it was blue. Why does he know the meaning behind your name and I don’t?”

“Because he cared enough to ask, and he listened to me when I spoke. You don’t do either. Not anymore, you assume you know everything about me, but you don’t. There’s so much more to who I am than what you believe you know.”

“Then why don’t you correct me when I’m wrong? Why don’t you just tell me these things?!”

“I do. But you don’t listen to or remember anything I tell you.”

The truth stung him like salt in an open wound. He swallowed hard. “You said he still wants you, and I saw your phone the other day. There was a message from him. Are you still seeing him?”

“You went through my phone?!”

“JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!!!” Elliot roared and his fists clenched.

“No, I’m not seeing him, but we do still talk.”

“Has he asked you to go back to him?”

“He has.”

“Do you want to go back to him?”

“I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t. A part of me does want to be with him. Just to see if it would work out. But I love you, Elliot. That’s why I’m still here, trying to make this work with you.

“I don’t want you talking to him anymore.”

“I don’t want you talking to Kathy either, but we both know that’s still going to happen.”

“It’s not the same and you know it. Kathy and I were married for almost 20 years. We have 4 kids together. She’s going to be in my life until one of us dies. That’s just how it is and it’s something that you are just going to have to accept. But Peter… you just met him and already you’re connecting with him in a way you haven’t with me and if we’re going to do this then I don’t want you talking to him. This is one of my rules.”

Olivia sighed and conceded defeat on this one. She knew he was right. “Fine. I won’t talk to him anymore, but I will call him to let him know that and explain the situation. I at least owe him that.”

“Owe him?” Elliot asked incredulously.

“He was there for me when you weren’t. Whether you like it or not there was something there, and I owe it to him to end what we had properly.”

“Fine. What about going out?”

“What about it?”

“Why?”

“I was tired of just being your wife, and I wanted to have fun again. I was going crazy in that house. I wanted to know that I still had it. That someone out there wanted me.”

He walked over and kneeled down in front of her.“I wanted you. I still do,” he replied back sincerely.

She stared back at him with tear filled eyes. “Then show me.”

~*~

Session 4

“I know you blame me!!!” Elliot yelled from one side of the room.

“Of course I blame you! How could I not!?!?” Olivia yelled back from the other side of the room.

“You guys…” Dr. Pekoe tried, but she decided that this was one screaming match that they needed to have. Emotions had been bottled up for far too long and were too close to the surface not to explode. They needed to get all this out and this was the time to do it.

“You think I wanted that to happen to her? That little girl is my life!”

“No, that little girl is my life!!! She’s second best to you.”

“What!?!”

“That’s right, because her mother isn’t Kathy Stabler!”

“Are you kidding me? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound right now?”

“I’m not being ridiculous. If Kathy had told you that Dickie was doing drugs would you have believed her?!”

“Of course I would! She’s his mother! She gave birth to him, she’s known him since…before he was born!!!”

“Here we go again.” Olivia rolled her eyes and threw up her hands in frustration. “I don’t know shit because I’m not the mother of all your children. You know what? Let me tell you something,” she said pointing at him. “Kathy may have been his mother, but she didn’t know that he was on drugs again. I did. She didn’t suspect that he had brought them into our house. I did.”

“Well if you knew he brought drugs into the house, then why didn’t you do something about it?”

Olivia froze and stared at him. “I don’t-don’t… know…” she shook her head in disbelief more at herself than at anyone else. She had thought about this over and over again. Plagued herself with that very same question many times and still hadn’t come up with an answer.

“Exactly! You supposedly knew that he had drugs in the house, but didn’t do a damn thing about it. So you are just as much to blame!” Elliot yelled and pointed a finger back at her.

Rage filled her eyes. “You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t blame myself every single fucking day, that I was too much of a chicken shit to disrupt your fucked up notion of a happy family that I couldn’t do what I needed to do to protect my daughter? That I left her, because I was mad at you, and she got hurt because of it.” She slowly walked towards him. “I’m her mother,” her voice cracked, “And I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. I do blame myself. I blamed myself every fucking day she was in the hospital and every fucking day after that.” Tears filled her eyes. “But I blame you because to this day you still haven’t owned up to anybody for your mistakes, especially her. I blame you because I told you I thought he was doing drugs and you did nothing about it, because my name isn’t fucking Kathy Stabler.” The tears mixed with her anger and despair threatened to choke her but she swallowed them down and continued on. “I blame you because you went behind my back and bought the fucking blueberry Nutrigrain bars for your precious daughter and then gave them to the one who was allergic to them because,” she choked on some of her tears, “Because you didn’t give a shit about her to remember that she was allergic. And I don’t give a damn if they helped saved her life because they shouldn’t have been in that house in the first place. I blame you because you didn’t stay home with her like I asked you to. I blame you because you were supposed to come home early that day so that we could have a family dinner, and blow out her candles, and cut her cake,” she looked him in the eyes, “sing her happy birthday. You didn’t even realize that it was her birthday,” she finished on a soft whisper.

Elliot sat down in stunned silence and tears filled his eyes. The guilt overwhelmed him and he found himself at a loss for words and excuses. She was right. “You’re right. I fucked up. I’ve been a fucked up father to her lately and I realize that now, and I’m sorry, I’ve… I’ve been neglectful and I apologize and I’m going to do better. I promise you, I’m going to do better. I will do better.”

~*~

Session 5

“You know we talked about my infidelity, but what about Elliot’s?” Olivia said, turning towards Elliot. They were back to sitting on opposite sides of the couch.

“Elliot, you want to field that question?” Dr. Pekoe asked.

“What more is there to it? I cheated. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“Olivia, is there something specific you want to know?”

“Well. You’ve never cheated on me with anyone other than Kathy, and you never cheated on her. The first time it happened I thought it was a moment of weakness. The second time… I’m not so sure, and I want to know. Is this worth it? Should we even be here?”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s clear that you still have feelings for Kathy. Feelings that you’ve acted on not once, but twice now. And it makes me wonder if maybe you should just go back to her and be with her. I don’t understand why you want to be with me when it’s so obvious that you’re still in love with her.”

Elliot moved closer to her and looked deep into her eyes. “Well, it’s not that obvious because I’m not in love with her, Olivia, I’m in love with you. The first time I cheated, I had wanted to go home so bad. Then I got drunk and I guess the opportunity presented itself and I took it. But had I not been drunk, I never would have done it. I would have broken up with you first. I would have explained my feelings. I would have done everything I could have to keep you from getting hurt. I know it’s hard to believe now, but I’m not a cheater, at least not at heart. When I woke up that morning I realized what I had done was wrong and I realized that I was holding onto something that no longer existed. My home was with you. And that other night, I was so down and lonely, and I missed you and I gave into temptation.” Elliot moved closer to her and took both her hands in his. “I know my answers don’t excuse it. But I have hurt you so many times now and I hate myself for doing it. I want to start over. Wipe the slate clean and start everything anew. Will you do this with me?”

She squeezed his hands back and smiled, reminding him of their wedding day. “Yes.”

~*~

The stepped out the building together and Elliot took a step forward, expecting his wife to follow and synch up beside him. When he felt her absence he turned to find her still in the threshold of the building.

“Liv?”

“Do you love me?”

He laughed at that.“What? Of course I do. I wouldn’t be spilling my guts like some pansy everyday if I didn’t.”

“Then tell me. Not because you’re trying to prove something to me. Not because you’re sorry. Not because we just made love or you feel it would be awkward to not say it. Not because I’m Kayla’s mother, or your wife, but because I’m me. Just me. Just…Olivia. Tell me. Do you love me?”

Elliot stared at her for the first time and realized how much he had broken her. He had caused her so much pain that she couldn’t even realize that he loved her with all his heart.

“Olivia Stabler, I love you. Just you, and only you.” 

She nodded and moved past him to head on her way. He grabbed her arm, pulled her to him, slanted his mouth over hers, and kissed her like her never had before. He poured all the love and passion he had for her into that one kiss. He ignored the pedestrians gawking at them or making lewd comments about getting a room and just kissed his wife. He pulled away from her and stared deep into her eyes.

She smiled at him one of those smiles that he loved but barely saw. The one where her teeth shined white and bright, and her happiness touched her eyes.

“One more thing,” she said.

“Oh, no. What is it now?”

“It’s not that bad, I promise.”

“What?”

“I think you should have Dickie come home. What happened wasn’t entirely his fault, and I think he deserves a second chance.”

Elliot stared at her in complete shock. “O…k…Sure, I’ll think about it and see if its best for him, but he’s doing so well in boot camp I think I’m going to let him finish out the summer there.”

“K. I just thought maybe I should mention it.”

“And you’re right to. Thank you for caring about him. I know that was hard.”

“He’s your son, El. How could I not care about him? I never want to see something get between you two, or any of your children for that matter.”

“Thanks.” He held out his hand to her and she didn’t hesitate to place her own in his. Their fingers entwined, locking together like a promise, and walked away happy and in love. 

Together.


	15. Chapter 15

A little after 11PM Olivia opened the door to her Manhattan home. She disarmed the alarm then closed the door and rearmed it. She hung up her coat before she quietly made her way to the kitchen. Elliot had left the light on for her, and she was grateful that she had someone to come home to that would leave the light on for her. Things between them had changed. Upon beginning their sixth week of counseling, their counselor explained that she normally had couples come in and say everything they were feeling to get everything off their chest. She let them scream and shout and get out all of their frustrations to see how strong their love was. The ones that made it to the sixth week after all the harsh and hurtful words, the accusations, and the hurtful feelings were the ones who were serious about fixing their marriage. They now met with their counselor once a week and while there were days where they left and they could barely look at each other, there were also others when she truly believed that they were going to make it.

Dr. Pekoe spent time in their sessions teaching them the importance of communication and how to communicate effectively. She taught them how to fight fair and gave them the “tools” they needed to rebuild their relationship. After that first week, Olivia let Elliot back into her bed. They shared long kisses goodnight, but nothing more than that. Elliot would hold her in his arms and she realized how much she missed being there.

Olivia began shifting through the mail on the counter, encountering nothing but bills and junk mail.

“I left you some pizza in the microwave,” Elliot said as he came towards her.

Olivia eyed her husband’s bare chest and appreciated the dark green plaid pajama bottoms that slung low on his hips. His way of dealing with the heat and air conditioning. She smiled and laughed to herself. “Oh thanks, but I ate while I was at work.”

“How’d the case go?” Elliot asked, after kissing her quickly and then headed towards the cupboards.

“Good. We found their filming location, saved about 20 kids, and arrested the assholes that were using them to make and stream their kiddie porn. The bastards are now in federal lock up. They should be pleading for deals as we speak. How’s Kayla?”

“Knocked out. It took two readings of Goodnight Moon and Runaway Bunny to get her down, but she’s been out now for a few hours,” He replied. He pulled down two champagne glasses Olivia recognized as one of their wedding gifts.

“You would have gotten away with one reading if it wasn’t for the ice cream you gave her.”

“I did no such thing!” Elliot replied in mock offense. He pulled out a bottle of champagne he had put in the fridge to chill earlier and began to fill the glasses.

“You think I don’t know you spoil her when I’m not here? What’s all this?”

“You didn’t forget our anniversary did you?” Elliot asked as he came to stand in front of her. He handed her a glass.

“Of course not, I just wasn’t sure if we were celebrating.”

“Why wouldn’t we? I know, it’s been a rough year, but… we made it. I think that’s worth celebrating.”

“I agree,” she smiled.

“But first,” He reached into his pocket and produced her wedding ring. His had never left his finger. He took her hand and slid it back into its place. “You are to never take this off again. Ever.”

“Elliot, I couldn’t wear it when…so much was happening, and I wasn’t sure-”

“But we are now,” he cut her off. Elliot held his glass up and Olivia did the same. “To the first year, may there be many more after this.”

“To the first year,” Olivia repeated. The clinked their glasses together and each began to drink. Elliot downed his glass while Olivia chose to take a long sip.

He placed his empty glass beside her and took hers and placed it next to his. He took a step towards her and touched his lips to hers. She smiled against his kiss and he dipped his tongue into her mouth to taste her. He took his time relearning the contours of her mouth and loving the rumbles of her moans against his tongue. He pulled the hair tie from her hair and tangled his fingers in her long tresses. He slid his arms around her body and gripped her ass, pulling her against his growing erection, and she could feel him through the thin cotton of his pants against her jeans-clad hips. Their kisses grew more frenzied and desperate and she rolled her hips towards him, bumping against his ever hardening penis. He lifted her onto counter and began to unbutton her shirt. His hand reached the top of her jeans and he undid the button and slid her zipper down as well. He traced kisses up her jaw line and down her neck while his hand slid into her panties. She parted her legs further for him and he found her hot and wet for him. He slid his fingers inside her sex and brushed against her clit.

“Elliot,” she moaned.

“Yea?” he replied back.

She pulled his head away from her neck so he could see the seriousness in her eyes. “Take me to bed.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He downed what was left in her champagne glass and lifted her from the counter. Olivia secured her legs around his waist then melded her lips to his. Elliot flicked off the light on his way as he walked them towards their bedroom. They made it without mishap and he laid her down on the bed. He closed and locked the door then wasted no time removing her shirt, pants, shoes, and socks. He took his time with her lace panties. He could tell that her body was yearning for him and humming in anticipation of his every move, and he reveled in it. He loved the power and control she gave him, two things only she could give. He hooked his fingers into her panties and drew them slowly down her legs. Her body was aching for him and he took his time kissing his way up her leg and back to her sex. He paid particular attention to her upper thigh, avoiding the place where he knew she wanted his kiss the most. He hovered above her, watching her as he slowly moved to touch her. She watched him with dark hooded eyes, her bottom, kiss-stained lip trapped between her teeth. He inhaled her sweet musky scent and kissed her nether lips before using his tongue to delve into her depths. Her head fell back and she moaned out loud as his tongue twisted and licked inside her. She raised her hips towards him, begging for more. He took his time licking and sucking her inside and out. Her hand pushed his head deeper inside her while the other massaged her breast through her satin bra. Just as she was about to come, he lifted his lips off of her.

“Wha?” she protested.

Elliot smiled at her then stood and removed his pajamas and she smiled at him when she saw nothing but his engorged penis, ready and waiting for her. “Who said you were getting lucky tonight?”

Elliot smiled back as he stepped out of them and covered her naked body with his own, settling easily between her thighs. “Nobody. Just had a feeling,” he whispered against her lips.

She broke their kiss, “Wait, condom.”

Elliot watched, slightly confused as she reached into their nightstand and pulled out a condom. She tore the gold foil and quickly outfitted him with the latex. He returned to his earlier position, on top of his wife and took his time pushing inside her, afraid there might be a repeat of their last time together. Olivia held his gaze, gasping as he first entered her and then sighing once he had settled inside her. He took his time making love to her, paying particular attention to the sounds of pleasure she elicited. She pushed him over and rode him expertly as sweat began to bead on her back and shoulders. Elliot suddenly wished he had taken the time to remove her bra, but enjoyed the view of seeing her, riding on top of him. He flipped her back over, wanting to be deeper. Wanting to feel legs wrapped around him and her entire body surrounding him. He still took his time, making sure not to hurt her, but she whispered in his ear that it was ok and squeezed her Kegel muscles around him.

Suddenly pictures of her and Peter flashed through his mind. Her long legs secured around Peter’s waist, just like they were around his now. Peter touching her, kissing her, and caressing her the same way he was now. Peter deep inside her and making love to her the same way he was now. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he tried to rid the disturbing images from his head. He felt her legs squeeze him tighter around his waist, begging him to go deeper, push harder, move faster. He forgot about Peter and focused on them. Just him and her. Her lips captured his and he threw his caution to the wind, plunging deeper into her depths. Her nails raked across his back and he groaned. He entwined his fingers with hers and pinned her hands to the bed. The room filled the sounds that emanate when two people were in the throes of passion. Of love. Their grunts, their moans, their pants, the slap of their bodies colliding with each other and the wet friction of their union. The scent of love making wafted through the air and neither of them seemed to notice or care. Olivia could feel the tension coil inside her and freed one hand to pull him down into a desperate, bruising kiss that allowed her to finally let go and fall into oblivion. Their fingers clenched and her body arched off the bed. Elliot arched her leg up over his shoulder and continued pushing inside her, delivering thrust after thrust until her body writhed again, falling once more and taking him with her. Elliot screamed his release with a guttural cry and collapsed on top of her, mixing his own sweat with hers. He shifted and brought her leg down, and resting peacefully with her arms around him and her lips at his brow. He thanked God for yet another chance to experience a moment like this, safe in her arms. 

When his strength returned to him he shifted off of her and took care to properly dispose of the condom. He rolled over and stared at her. Her eyes were closed and her chest rose and fell rapidly as she tried to get her breathing back under control. Her hair now surrounded her in waves, and he smiled to himself. He loved her hair like that. He didn’t want to spoil the moment, but one thing he had learned from counseling was to get it all out, rather than sit and let the problem fester. He considered his words carefully then began.

“Liv.”

“Hmm,” she replied softly.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yea,” she answered sleepily.

“Why did you have me wear a condom tonight?”

Her eyes opened and she sat up hunched on her elbows and stared at him. “I’ve been working non-stop for the past couple of days and I missed a couple pills. Don’t want to get pregnant right?”

“Oh… yea,” Elliot replied.

Olivia turned toward him and used her hand to prop her head up. “Why? Do you not trust me?”

“I do. I thought that you didn’t trust me. I didn’t sleep with her, you know. I haven’t since the last time you know about.”

“I know, Elliot, and I trust you.”

She moved closer to him rested on top of his chest. He wrapped an arm around her and secured her to his chest. “Should I?..” he asked after a moment.

“Should you what?” she mumbled.

“Not…trust…you…” She rose up and stared him in the eye. “Did you use protection when you were with Peter?”

She rolled away from him and turned her back towards him. He rolled with her and spooned behind her. “Liv?” he questioned.

“The first time. We didn’t use anything the first time, but we- I made sure to be more careful after that.”

He pulled away from her and leaned against the headboard. “How could you be so careless?” he said softly, unable to remove the incredulity from his voice. “What if you had gotten pregnant?”

“What if I had? Would you love me any less?” She rolled onto her back and stared up at him.

He looked at her for moment and took in her natural beauty. The curls in her dark hair, the brown of her eyes, the soft glow of her skin. He reflected on all the good and bad times they had. Fighting with her, making love to her, breaking her heart, holding her hand as she gave birth to their daughter, fighting for her, marrying her. This woman was his heart. She was his everything. “No, but I don’t know if I can ever look at you the same. I’m having a hard time doing that now,” he admitted.

“Yea, well, welcome to my world.”

He propped up his head on his head and stared down at her. “Was that your intention the whole time? To hurt me like I hurt you?”

“I already admitted to you that it was.”

“But that’s not who you are.”

“I know, but it was too late to change that’s happened, El.”

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t protect yourself.”

She sighed and turned his head so he could look at her. “Because that’s what I wanted. In that moment, I didn’t really care about anything else. I just wanted something to make me forget everything. I wanted to feel something other than my anger and my pain. It was just sex, in the beginning that’s all our relationship-if you want to call it that-was. Sex. After the first time, I remembered that I had a daughter that needed me and I smartened up. When I got back I got tested. I’m clean, El.”

A part of him hurt when she didn’t mention giving any consideration to him.“No,” he shook his head. “Don’t change your story now to make me feel better. You connected with him. How could you connect with him like that in such a short amount of time? Some of the things you told him took me years to get out of you, the rest you still have yet to tell me, and you tell him and then sleep with him in a matter of days, hours? How could you?”

“I don’t think you understand how I was feeling. How much pain I was in. How much I was craving from you. The attention and devotion I’ve been hoping you would give to me for months, in some cases years, he gave to me in hours…days.”

“Like what? Tell me, I want to know right now. Everything that I haven’t done for you or given to you that you’ve been wanting from me. Tell me now!” He took a moment to qualm his rising anger. “Please,” he begged. 

“It’s not that simple.”

“Well, if he can do it in such a short amount of time, clearly it is.”

“I wanted a husband! Someone to take my side. Someone who would come home and ask me how my day was for a change. Cook me dinner. Say honey, you take a break and let me handle this. Someone who would do what you did tonight. Wait up for me. Kiss me hello. Is that too much to ask for? He said hi, My name is Peter. I noticed you looked kind of down. What can I do to help? Then he listened to me. He believed me. He offered me company. A reprieve from all the drama and turmoil in our lives. He was there for me when I needed him, in the exact way I needed him to be. With you it just seems like everything ends up being about you, and everyone else falls to the wayside. You need time with the guys because you had a rough day. You want this or you need that, and you never once cared to ask me what I needed or what I wanted. It took me almost leaving for you to realize that I’m human. That as strong as I try to be for our family there are still times when I need someone else to be strong for me. That I have feelingsn and I have needs. I’ve been alone my whole life, El, when I married you I thought that I would finally have someone to depend on and you let me down. That didn’t seem to be who you were. Peter was. He picked up your slack. But you were the one I wanted to be there. I love you, El, not him. I want you,” she finished and touched his hand tentatively.

He opened it, palm up and she placed her hand in his. “What about all those other guys?”

“I just wanted some attention. That’s why I went out those nights. Flirted. I was looking for the attention you weren’t giving me. I know it was wrong, but…I was so angry, and at that point I hated being your wife, because I felt like I was slowly slipping into someone I wasn’t. Our relationship was turning into something that I didn’t want.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for letting that happen. I’m going to try my hardest to not let that happen again.” He brought their entwined fingers to his lips and kissed the back of her hand. “I’m never going to be ok with the fact that you were with him.”

“I’m never going to be ok with the fact that Kathy was, is, and will always be a part of your life. Our lives.”

“I know.”

She nodded, “Are you going to hold it against me?”

He looked at her and admired beautiful she truly was and how lucky he was to have her in his life. “No. I’m just happy you’re with me now,” he said, and he leaned over and they shared a gentle kiss. She returned to his chest and he continued to think. “Would it have been so bad?”

“Would what have been so bad?” she asked.

“If I went without a condom.”

She grinned and shook her head. “Elliot, I’ll pick up where I left off tomorrow. We should be fine after about a week. Relax. Wearing a condom is not going to kill you.”

“No, I mean if we had another baby.”

She tensed in his arms and looked at him seriously. “Are you serious?”

“Yea. Why not?”

“Elliot, our marriage is hanging on by a thread. Now is not the right time for us to be having another baby.”

“I know, but would you want to have another child?”

“Maybe we should wait until our next session to discuss this.”

“Really? After everything we just finished saying? Olivia, we can’t rely on the counselor forever. This marriage is between us.”

“Elliot, we agreed. We would go-”

“I’m not saying we need to stop going, I’m saying we need to try handling this on our own. Dr. Pekoe gave us the tools we needed to work through our issues on our own, so let’s try this one. Do you want to have another child?”

“No. Elliot, I love Kayla with all my heart, but I made my peace with just having her a long time ago. I’m ok without another baby. You know a baby isn’t going to fix us. And with the way things are now, I wouldn’t want to have another kid only to put them through a potential separation. The hardest part before was trying to figure out a way to explain it to Kayla. I knew she wouldn’t understand and it would hurt her. I couldn’t do that to another child.”

“How did you have those papers drawn up so quickly?”

“I talked to my lawyer awhile ago when I was losing my patience with Lizzie and Dickie.”

“Why didn’t you mention it to me then?”

She shrugged. “I was angry. And I had given up on talking with you.

“Don’t ever give up on me again. Period.”

“Don’t ever give me a reason to.”

“Look, I understand what you mean with the kids. I worried about Kayla too, especially because I remembered that was one of the hardest parts of the divorce with Kathy, and we saw how great that worked out.”

“Yea,” she agreed.

“But I still think it’s something we should try.”

“Elliot, there’s no trying with a baby. Once they’re here, they’re here, and if everything ends up failing-”

“And what if it doesn’t. What if we end up making this work.”

“Then we will live happily ever after with the daughter that we already have. Where is all this coming from?”

“I just thought-never mind. Let’s just go to bed.”

“No, you started this, so let’s finish it. Answer the question.”

“I just wanted to do the whole pregnancy thing with you. When you were pregnant with Kayla, I missed out on almost everything. I almost missed her birth. Having a baby together is something that I feel every married couple should experience, and I missed my chance with you. I was going to ask you when we first got married, but we already had Kayla and I thought it was best if we just focused on it just being us for awhile, but then the stuff with Dickie happened, and then him and Lizzie moving in, and well… you know. It’s just something I wanted to experience with you, and it wouldn’t be so bad if we had a boy,” he smirked to himself. He looked up at her, “But I understand what you’re saying. Now probably isn’t the right time.”

She looked up at him and her heart swelled with love for the man that sat before her. She straddled his waist and leaned forward and kissed him. She nibbled gently on his lower lip and smiled at him. “Let’s have a baby.”

“But I thought you just said-” he tried but was distracted when she reached behind her back and unclipped her bra.

She removed the offending garment and stared at him with her naked chest. “You want to talk about what I just said or do you want to make a baby?”

He didn’t have to be asked twice.


	16. Chapter 16

“Hey!” Casey said happily as she opened the door for her friend. She stepped back and allowed the twosome to enter.

Olivia allowed Kayla to slide down off her hip and run into the apartment.“Hey Case,” Olivia smiled back. She walked in and closed the door behind her, then walked into the living room to turn on the TV to entertain her daughter and to drop off her overnight bag .

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Casey said.

“Yea, we’ve been busy,” Olivia said as she finally settled on Ni Hao Kai Lan, her daughter’s latest obsession.

“I’ll bet,” Casey smirked. “C’mon, sit, let’s catch up. Can I get you something drink?” 

“A glass of wine if you got it,” Olivia said as she sat down at Casey’s kitchen table.

“Before I forget, we are currently in the middle of potty training, so you should put her on the toilet every couple of hours or so. She’s wearing pull-ups now, but they can be a bitch to change, so I put some diapers in the bag as well.”

Casey grabbed a bottle and two glasses then joined her friend at her table. “What? Potty training already? I feel like she was just born the other day.”

“So do I, but my baby girl is becoming a little lady now.”

“So how’s things with you and Elliot going?” Casey asked as she poured them each a glass.

Olivia took a sip. “Good. We still go to counseling once a week, but things are really good. We’re communicating better than ever and we’re happy, which is all I could ever ask for. Which reminds me, thank you so much for all your help and for watching Kayla this weekend.”

“Please. It’s not problem. I’d love nothing more than to spend the weekend with my goddaughter.”

“Well, it’s really helpful, especially because this is my and Elliot’s last weekend together before his kids come back home.”

“Are you sure you guys are ready for that?”

“I mean, it’s been great, living as a family with just us three. A part of me wishes it could just stay that way, but those kids need him to be their father right now and I don’t want to come between him and his kids. I just hope he doesn’t repeat the same mistakes twice. We’ve discussed it quite a bit and set some ground rules for everybody, so all I can do right now is have faith.”

“That’s great, Liv, and I really hope it works out for you two. I can see how much the two of you love each other so I’m rooting for you.” Casey took a sip of her wine, and when she looked up she noticed her friend had suddenly become distant and probed her a bit more. “What is it?”

They had decided between themselves that they would keep this a secret until they had something to tell, but she had fears, and she needed to discuss those fears with someone else. “Elliot and I are trying to have another baby,” she blurted before taking a large sip of her wine.

Casey stared at her friend in shock. “Really… wow.” 

“Don’t tell anybody I told you, Especially Elliot. I made him promise to keep the fact that we’re trying a secret, but…I have some doubts. Fears that I’m afraid to discuss with him.”

“Like what?”

“Like if I really want to have another child.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to? I thought you loved kids.”

“I do. Being a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, but when Kayla was born, I made my peace with the fact that I might not have anymore, and I’ve lived my life that way ever since. Now that we’re trying, I kind of feel like I’ve been thrown for a loop.”

“Well, if you guys had accidentally gotten pregnant would you have aborted it?”

“No, of course not! But the two situations are different. I think. I don’t know… I’m still a little nervous about it, and what if I can’t get pregnant again? Do you know how many marriages end over the inability to conceive?”

“Then Liv, why are you doing this? Why did you agree to do something that you’re so unsure about?”

“Because I love him, and he wants this so bad, and I want to be the one to give it to him.”

“You think he’s going to leave you for Kathy if you don’t?”

“No. I think…I love him, Casey, and when he explained to me how much he wanted this, and the reasons why? How could I not? As his wife how could I deny him of his desire, to not only have a baby, but to have a baby with me? One thing I’ve learned about marriage is that its about sacrifice, and this is a sacrifice I’m willing to make for him.”

“I’m not so sure if having a baby is meant to be a sacrifice.”

“Me either, which only seems to further the dilemma. But how can I not? Especially when he seems to want this so bad? This isn’t something that just popped into his head the other day, this is something that he had planned for us. He saw another baby in our future and he wants that for us.” Olivia reasoned.

“That doesn’t mean you have to have a child you don’t want.”

“But what if… Never mind.”

“No what?”

“What if …I’m afraid that if I say no, it will be the end of our marriage. I don’t know if it will survive this.”

“Olivia, you can’t have a baby that you don’t want! And if Elliot can’t understand that…then maybe he isn’t the man that you’re supposed to be married to.”

“What if he is? What if having another baby is what’s meant for us. I love him Casey, and once the baby is here I know I will love it no matter what. These feelings will be something I look back on and regret.”

“Yea, but what if one day, when things are particularly hard. What if you resent him for making you feel obligated to have a child that you don’t want. How will your marriage survive that?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know what to do. If I say no, then this will be an issue that will haunt our marriage forever, I can’t have that Casey, and that’s even saying that our marriage survives!”

“I don’t know what to tell you Liv. There doesn’t really seem to be a right answer.”

“Part of me feels like if he had brought this up when were on better ground I wouldn’t be so hesitant, but at the same time I need to look out for this possible child’s welfare. I need to make sure that I’m bringing them into a home. I don’t want to have to explain to my kids one day why Daddy isn’t coming home anymore, or have to shuffle them around to different homes every couple of days. Have to deal with step- parents, and step siblings, and lawyers. Gosh! We can barely handle an ex-wife and a few step-kids.”

“Olivia, marriages break up all the time. After one, ten, or even 30 years. A divorce is always a possibility in any marriage. You know that.”

“I know, but I don’t want to do to them, what Elliot and Kathy had to do to their children, and still at the end of the day I’m not sure I want more. Kayla is enough for me. She keeps me on my toes. I’m so happy and grateful for every day I have with her. Every day I get to see her grow and learn and…” she felt there emotion well up in her throat as she caught a glimpse of her watching TV. “I love her so much. I don’t know if I could handle more and I don’t want her or this other baby to suffer if I can’t.”

 

“Well you’re never going to know unless you try, but I’ve never seen you back down from a challenge before. I don’t think this one will be any different.” Casey watched as her friend contemplated what she had just said. “Is this what this weekend is about?”

“No,” Olivia shook her head. “We’re celebrating our anniversary because we didn’t really get a chance to really celebrate it before. It’s supposed to be about us reconnecting.”

“Oh. I don’t know Olivia. You’re in a tough situation either way you decide.”

Olivia nodded and her mind flashed back to him. Telling her he wanted to have another baby with her. She remembered the way his eyes darkened with sadness when he thought back to when she was pregnant with Kayla. She tries to forget, and put it past her, but she remembers all too well that dark time he went through. She remembers everything he missed. The times she wished he was by her side. The look of happiness on his face followed by delight…hope, at thought of having another chance to do it again. Do it right. She wanted that. For him. That and that alone was enough to solidify her decision.“I think…I think I’m going to do it. For him.”

“Are you sure, you know you’re taking a pretty big risk with all this. You gotta make sure you’re making the right decision.”

“I know, and I think this way…this way it is worth the risk.”

~*~

Olivia and Elliot returned home that night hand in hand, her head still buzzing from the champagne they had at dinner. They had spent the night after dinner swaying gently to the music. As soon as he closed and locked the door and turned on their alarm system his lips was on hers. He maneuvered them into the living room where he had laid out a blanket and some pillows to make love on.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispered in his ear before heading up stairs.

When she got to their room she wasted no time in kicking off her gold high heeled strappy sandals. She looked at herself in the mirror. She wore a white pleated strapless dress, because Elliot had always said he loved her in white. She had accentuated it with gold jewelry and had worn her long caramel highlighted hair loose in waves the way he liked it. Tonight she wanted to show him how much she loved him and hoped her small gestures showed him how much she cared. She quickly changed and thought again about the sandals. She put them back on and headed back downstairs.

Elliot looked up when he heard her come back into the room and immediately hardened when he saw her in the silk white teddy. His eyes caught a sight of the heels and he hardened even more. He had stripped down to his boxers and had started a fire for them on this unusually chilly night. The contrast of her skin against the white, along with the fire’s glow made him feel as if he were looking at an angel.

“C’mere,” he said holding out a hand to her. She went over to him and he led her to sit beside him. He picked up a black velvet box and handed it to her. “Happy Anniversary.”

She opened it and stared at him in shock, “Elliot.”

“You like it?” He picked up the diamond tennis bracelet and began securing it around her wrist.

“I love it, it’s beautiful, but how did you afford this?”

“I saw it awhile ago, and started saving for it. Took me a year, but when I saw it, I knew I had to get it for you.”

“Thank you so much. I love it.” She leaned over and kissed him lovingly on the mouth.

As their kisses grew deeper and more fevered, Elliot moved them down onto the blankets he had spread out. This time Olivia took her time kissing and caressing every inch of his body. She pulled down his silk boxers and tossed them to the side before sliding his dick inside her mouth. She slid her mouth off of him and kissed down his scrotum and nibbled on his ball sack. She slid him back into her mouth and wrapped her hand around the base of his penis. Her hand and her mouth moved in counter point to bring him to the brink, as his hands fisted themselves in her hair. Just as he was about to cum she settled on top of him and allowed him to release his seed inside her. She leaned over and kissed his mouth so that he could taste himself on her lips. She felt him harden once again inside her and began to move over him, slowly at first, until she built momentum. 

Elliot used his hands to massage her breasts and caress her body through her teddy. He loved the feeling of silk on her body, but he wanted more. He wanted to feel her skin against his own. He ripped the delicate material from her body and continued to caress her. His fingers traveled down to her clit and he began to massage her sensitive nub. She moaned and began to move faster as she felt herself move closer and closer to the edge. She leaned down over him, bracing herself on the material beneath his head. Her sensitive nipples grazed his chest as she continued to meld her mouth to his. He flicked his finger over her clit one more time and her body clenched and pulsed around him. He felt a familiar tightening in his balls begin and he knew he need to be deeper. He had to get deeper. He quickly rolled them over and arched her leg over his hip. Her heel that dug into his backside along with sight of the sexy shoe still strapped to her foot furthered his efforts and he moved faster. Pushed harder. He felt the tension build throughout his body and coil inside his balls. He buried himself as far as he could go before exploding inside her. The force of his orgasm caused him to tremble, sending her into oblivion once again. He rolled over onto his back and he pulled her with him. She settled comfortably on his hard chest then as her breathing settled, she drifted off to sleep with him.

~*~

Elliot awoke sometime later to find her still settled on top of him from after their second love making session. He carefully rolled her off of him and she whimpered when he finally pulled out of her. He covered her with a sheet he had nearby. While the fire had kept them warm, he still did not want to leave her exposed. He then began implementing phase two of their night. When he finished he returned and woke her with a kiss.

“C’mon,” he said and held out a hand for her to take.

He carefully removed her heels and she smiled when he kissed her feet. He pulled her up and she followed behind him as he led her by the hand up the stairs to their bedroom. Their path was highlighted with candles and white rose pedals. She continued behind him, excited to see what he had done. When they reached their bedroom she stood in astonishment and took in their surroundings. The rose pedal path continued to and surrounded their bed. The entire room was aglow in candle light and their bed had a heart made out of red rose pedals on it. Champagne sat chilling on one side of their bed, while the glasses and some chocolate covered strawberries sat on the other.

Her eyes filled with tears as she took in all the time and hard work he had put in for her. He went to the bed and brushed away the petals and she joined him on it. He wasted no time settling between her legs and began kissing her.

He paused briefly and looked into her eyes, “Liv, tonight is about you and me. Don’t stress about this baby thing. It will happen on its own and if it’s meant to. Relax.”

“How’d you?”

“I know you. Every. Inch. Inside. And out,” he accentuated each word with a gentle kiss across her cheek and down her neck. She moaned softly. “Just you and me. Relax. It’ll happen if its supposed to.”

“And if not?”

“Then not, we’ll worry about it some other time, but right now I just want to make love to you.”

“Then make love to me.”  
He had sensed her tension for awhile now and wanted to put her at ease. She nodded and recaptured his lips, and as she fell deeper into his kiss, all her worries slowly dissipated away. This time their love making was slow, but just as passionate as it ever was. He held her hand and focused on simply connecting with her, being with her, and falling in love with her all over again.


	17. Chapter 17

The rest of their weekend was spent much the same way, making love, connecting, sipping champagne, feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries, and just being together. Sunday morning rolled around much too early for the couple and they spent the better part of the morning cleaning up and preparing to bring the children home.

Olivia arrived at Casey’s apartment sometime that afternoon. “Come in,” she said, opening the door for her.

“Hey,” Olivia said as she stepped into her friend’s apartment.

“Mommy!” Kayla squealed and ran full force to greet her mother.

Olivia caught her and pulled her up into her arms. “Hey, baby.” She kissed her cheek. “I missed you.” Kayla snuggled up to her mother and rested her head on her shoulder. “How was she?” she asked Casey.

“Good. Nathan and I took her into the park yesterday. They had a little fair going on and she had a ball.”

“That’s good. I wish I could stay and chat, but I have to run over to the grocery store and get back to the house to start dinner. Elliot already left to pick up Lizzie and then go get Dickie.”

“You nervous?”

“A bit,” Olivia nodded.

“You’ll be fine,” Casey encouraged as she slid Kayla’s overnight bag onto her free shoulder.

“Here’s hoping,” she replied.

“Did your weekend go well at least?”

Olivia smiled, “It was perfect.”

~*~

Olivia pulled up in front of their home and turned off the ignition. She sat for a few minutes and took several deep breaths before getting out. She pulled a sleeping Kayla from her car seat only to turn and be met with Lizzie Stabler.

“Lizzie,” she smiled. “Nice to see you. Could you excuse me for a minute, I want to put her down, she’s extra heavy when she’s asleep.”

“I can take her.”

Olivia’s heart began to race. “Oh, no honey. That’s ok. I got her.”

“I know after what happened you don’t really trust me, and I honestly can’t blame you but… I’m sorry. Dad and I talked and I realized that I was unfair to you. I want to earn your trust back.”

“I appreciate that Lizzie. Thank you.”

Lizzie held out her arms for Kayla. “I’ll be careful. I promise.”

Olivia looked from her daughter to the young teenager that stood before her. She hesitated just a bit before carefully transferring her sleeping child into the young girl’s arms. She watched her walk up the front steps and then into their home. She closed the car door then went to the back to begin unloading the groceries. She picked up a few and turned to be met with Elliot’s only son.

“Let me help you with that,” Dickie said as he took the bags from her.

She stood, slightly in shock at the teenage boy in front of her. He was slightly taller and leaner, but also a bit muscular. His head had been shaven and he stared back at her with his father’s eyes. “Thanks… Dickie,” she said slowly.

“You’re welcome, and it’s now Rick, ma’am. Also I would like to apologize for my disrespectful behavior earlier. The way I treated you was out of line, and did not reflect the morals and manners that were taught to me by my mother and father. I hope you can one day forgive me.” With that he turned and headed upstairs and into the brownstone just as Elliot was exiting, leaving her in stunned silence.

“Not bad, huh?” he smirked.

“He called me Ma’am.” She said still in slight shock.

“He calls me Sir. I think it’s kinda cool.”

“If that’s what you want to call it. I think it makes us sound old.”

Elliot grinned. “Why don’t you head on in and relax. I’ve got Liz putting the groceries away and Rick and I can finish up out here.”

“K. I’ll go in and start dinner, was there anything in particular you wanted to eat?”

“Haven’t had your lasagna in awhile.”

“Alright, I’ll whip some up.”

~*~

The doorbell rang and Olivia went to answer it. She was surprised when she came face to face with Kathy Stabler.

“Olivia,” Kathy said cautiously.

“Kathy,” Olivia replied with an edge to her voice.

They both stood and eyed each other for a moment. Kathy smiled awkwardly, “Well aren’t you going to let me in?”

“No. You’re not welcome here. Didn’t Elliot talk to you about this?”

“Yea, but I didn’t think he was serious. C’mon Olivia, my kids live here and I have a right to see them anytime I please. I just want to give them some school supplies I bought them.”

“I’m not trying to keep you from your children Kathy, I’m trying to keep you from mine. This is my daughter’s home and I don’t want you anywhere near her.”

“Now this is not fair. I always welcomed you to our home when Elliot and I were married.”

“Yes, but I also treated you with respect and respected your marriage to him.”

“Respected my marriage? He was with you all the time!”

“Yes, for work, but nothing else. I used to cover him at work so he could go home to you, and you repay me by trying to take him back?”

“I love him, Olivia. I always have. If he gives me the opportunity to have him back then I have to take that chance. You would do the same.”

“No, because I’ve loved him for a very long time. If I was that kind of person I would have taken him a long time ago.”

“I find that hard to believe when he’s come back to me twice now.”

“The only purpose you seem to serve is to remind him of what he’s missing at home. My home. Look, I’m going to say this one last time. Stay away from my home and my family. If you come back here again, I will arrest you myself for trespassing.”

“And I’ll have you arrested for assault. You broke my nose remember?”

“Yes, I do. And I can list several attorneys off the top of my head that can have that case thrown out in a heartbeat. Believe me Kathy, I’m not someone you want to mess with. I will take out a restraining order if I have to.”

“Olivia, I didn’t come here to get into a pissing contest with you. I just came here to see my kids.”

“Well, the next time you want to see your kids, you call ahead and make arrangements to meet them somewhere else.”

“Olivia, we’re both adults here. Don’t you think you’re being a bit ridiculous?”

“The last time you were here you tried to fuck my husband on my couch, so no, I don’t. I have to deal with you because you’re the mother of his kids, but other than that I don’t have to have anything to do with you, and I don’t need to have you in my home or around my daughter. Now, I’m done with this conversation. You can meet with your kids out here on the steps.”

She closed the door behind her, and took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

“Liz!!! Rick!!!” she called up the stairs. “Your mother’s here to see you.”

~*~

Dinner had been consumed and cleared away in a rather friendly manner. While Lizzie rinsed and put the dishes in the dish washer Olivia took the time to go outside and get some fresh air. She sat down on the steps and watched as the sun began to disappear over the horizon. Elliot came out and sat on the step above her. He pulled her into his warm embrace and kissed the skin on her neck, right below her ear.

“Mmm,” she hummed. “I love it when you kiss me there.”

“I know,” he hummed against her ear. “That wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No. It could have been worse.”

He tickled her side and she laughed. “I want you to know I talked to them already about the rules we discussed. If you’re having any issues don’t be afraid to talk to me about it.”

“K.”

He used a finger to tilt her head to look at him. “I’m serious. Don’t stop talking to me Liv, don’t ever stop talking to me.”

“I won’t. Just as long as you promise to do the same. And don’t stop listening to me, either.”

“Sounds good to me.” He paused for a moment and watched the slowly setting sun. “I can’t get over how much Di-I mean Rick has changed. Could you believe he offered to do all the dishes?”

“I know. His C.O needs to teach a class. I would LOVE to know his secrets. Speaking of which, where’s Kayla?”

“With Liz,” he replied and felt her body immediately tense up. He rub her back in slow careful motions. “Relax. They’re in the living room watching TV. Liz is letting Kayla play in her hair. Everything is fine.”

“It’s going to take me a while to trust them again El. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is.”

“I know. I never expected things to change overnight. Everything is going to take some time.”

She nodded. She opened her mouth to say what else was on her mind, but hesitated, afraid that this was a conversation they should save for when they had a mediator. She recalled Elliot’s words of reason from the other night, knowing that at some point they were going to have to handle their marriage on their own. “El…” she began.

“Yea,” he answered.

“What if I can’t get pregnant?” she asked and stared at him seriously.

“You mean what if you’ve changed your mind and don’t want to have a baby anymore?”

“No. I mean what if I can’t get pregnant. When I got pregnant with Kayla it seems like the odds were against her conception, and yet she’s in a room right behind us. We’ve been trying for a month now.”

“Liv, sometimes these things take time.”

“Yea I know El, but what if I can’t.”

He looked at her skeptically. “Is there something you aren’t telling me.”

“No, but with my age…the odds…considering how easy I got pregnant with Kayla…I should be pregnant right now.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“But what if it does? What if I can’t get pregnant? Are going to leave me?”

“Olivia, all I’ve ever wanted was you. As long as you’re with me and your happy. I’m happy, Liv. If there’s no baby… well then there’s no baby. But there’s still us. That’s what I want more than anything. So if you want to change your mind. I know you were never one hundred percent about this.”

“I want to try Elliot.”

“Yea, but if you ever feel like you don’t or you want to wait awhile. Yea, I’ll be disappointed, but I’ll be ok.”

She leaned in and kissed him soundly on the lips. “I want to try.”

He kissed her back and then rested his forehead against hers. “Why don’t we go inside and share a bowl of ice cream.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I want my own. You always end up eating most of it, and I don’t feel like sharing.”

He laughed. “Fine. C’mon.” He stood and reached for her hand. 

She gave it to him willingly and allowed him to help her up.“Can I get chocolate sauce on it?”

“Sure.”

“And whipped cream?”

“Yup.”

“Ooo. And cherries?”

He paused in the threshold to their home. “Anything you want Liv. You can have anything you want.” 

She smiled and kissed him once more on the lips. “I love you,” she said as they walked inside of their home.

“Love you more,” he replied closing the door behind them.


End file.
